Chapter 30. I Think... he is always on my mind

"Daniel, this is Fippa. Fippa, Daniel." I introduced and hoped that Daniel wouldn't notice how discussed Filippa was.

"Nice to meet you, Fippa." Daniel smiled his brilliant smile. That smile would make a grown woman giggle. But Filippa was immune to him. She just nodded.

"I've heard a lot about you." Filippa said. 

Oh no. This was not going well.

The whole afternoon was a disaster. My brothers barely said a word. Kayley was "busy" answering every single phone call. "I'm so sorry. It's work. I got to take this." She said and walked out of the room.

Filippa, on the other hand, was making an effort. An effort to make Daniel feel like an ass. 

But Daniel. He was brilliant. He was friendly. He constantly tried to make a conversation. And when he didn't success, it didn't bother him. He smiled. I smiled and giggled. I tried to make them like him. I laughed at every single joke he told. I nodded and sighed. 

"Well, this was nice. I hope you'll have a great time in Finland, Filippa. Netta, I'll call you. Bye!"

He left. 

"Finally!" Nooa shouted.

"Nooa!" I hissed. "That's rude and you're so mean."

"If I have to hear your fake laugh one more time, I'm going to kill myself." he continued.

"It was not fake, you jerk! You were all very rude!" I nearly cried. I hated them all so much. 

Niklas hugged me when he noticed how upset I was. I tried to push the jerk away, but my bear-like brother didn't move an inch.

"I'm sorry, Tiny. We weren't nice." He whispered. I sighed and stopped pushing him away. But then he continued: "But it was really annoying. You were trying too hard. And right now it's impossible for us to like him."

"Right." I said icily. "And why is that? He makes me happy. He literally saved me. You all saw how I was couple months ago. Then he showed up and look at me now!"

"Netsie, we know you. You don't have to do this." Kayley said. Suddenly she didn't have to answer any of her calls. 

"So you all want me to crawl back to my bed? You want me to seriously think about jumping in front of a car? He has made it better!" 

Filippa was very silent. She just looked at me with an expression I couldn't read.

"What?" I screamed. 

"You thought about jumping in front of a car?" she asked silently.

"So?" 

Suddenly the whole room was quiet. Kayley was holding tears back. My brothers didn't know what to do. And Filippa, my dear Filippa... slapped me on my cheek.

"How dare you!" she shouted. I've never seen her so angry.

"You hit me." I whispered and held my cheek.

"Of course I hit you if you tell me that you thought about killing yourself!"

Kayley couldn't hold the tears back anymore. She started sobbing. Niklas and Nooa were still as statues. 

"Netta. I'm going to tell you this only once. You DO NOT even think about that. You WILL NOT ruin  other people's lives just because you are bad in relationships... NO! Don't interrupt me! You stop thinking only about yourself! Stop being a selfish bitch! Your family, your friends need you and love you. So take your head out of your ass and start to live your life!" No she was crying too.

Several months later 

"Hey"! I said.

"Hey to yourself." Daniel answered and gave my cheek a kiss. 

We met at the hospital cafeteria. He wore his white jacket. 

"How are you?" he asked and gave a coffee mug.

"Um... I'm good." 

He looked so friendly. His light brown hair and tender blue eyes reminded me of high school. Oh Daniel. How different our lives could be.

"And you? How are you?" I asked.

"I'm glad you wanted to see me."

"Yeah... I think I needed to explain."

He nodded. He patiently waited me to continue. 

"Well... when you met my brothers, Kay and Fippa... I'm so sorry. They were awful! I hope they didn't upset you."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I kinda deserved it." He gently took my hand. I smiled. He was too good to be real.

"I guess so." I sighed. It felt so good that Daniel admitted that he had acted wrong. 

"Netta, I'm so happy that... that you are giving me another chance." He lifted my hand and kissed it. 

"I don't think I had any other choice. I never really got over you. Even with him, you were always on my mind." From the corner of my eye I saw cafeteria TV. The Olympics broadcast.

"Good."

Chapter 29. I think...I have changed

Hey you! I'd love to read your comments. Are you still reading this blog? Do you want more? What do you expect to happen next? Anything that's on your mind...

And by the way, you can find my two other stories on the sidebar. A thing called sweet revenge (Jonathan Toews) and Last Name (Tyler Seguin)

 But now...

1 year after the supermarket incident

"Netta!" Fillippa screamed with excitement. She ran into my arms. I squeezed her tightly. 

"I missed you," I said. I took a step back and saw her new hair. I touched it and laughed.

"Did you pay for this?" Her hair looked crazy. 

"Hey! Leave my hair alone. I love it! It's amazing." She looked a bit upset.

"It's amazingly red," I said. 

"Exactly what I wanted. Rihanna was my inspiration. And no, I did not pay for it. I did it myself."

I nodded and grapped her hand. She followed me pulling her suitcase. As we stepped out of the arrival terminal I noticed how Filippa was giving me curious looks.

"What?"

"You look good. I guess you started to eat again." She said.

"Mm."

I was glad she came to visit me. I hadn't seen her for over a year. Skype is great but nothing beats reality. 

"So, do you have plans for our weekend?" She asked as I drove my dad's car out of the airport parking garage. 

"I want you to meet someone." I said nervously. 

"Who?"

"Um... a guy. I've invited him for a dinner tonight. My parent's are in Berlin this weekend and we can stay at their house. There's more room. So I invited this guy, because I want you to meet him. My brothers and Kay are coming too." I was talking really fast.

"Right... a guy? Wow," she didn't sound excited.

"Yeah... I think you'll like him. He's a doctor."

"Just to be clear, are you trying to fix me up with someone or..."

"Oh no! I want you to meet him because... I... We... I like him. He's an old friend. We haven't been in touch for couple years..."

She looked shocked.

"Nets, what are you doing?"

I was confused. 

"What?"

"Don't tell me.... PLEASE don't tell me this "old friend" is... No! I don't even want to say his name aloud. You must mean someone else."

I sighed. This is why I was nervous. I knew I had to explain this. Explain him. Filippa knew too much about him.

"Please, try to have an open mind." I pleaded.

"Are you serious? The guy who fucked your life up. This makes me sick."

"Fippa, he's changed. I'm changed." I said silently.

"No, you haven't changed. You're still, after all these years, blind and stupid."

"Hey!" 

"Seriously, you don't learn anything. You get burned and after couple months you burn yourself again. This is ridiculous. Why him? Why on earth Daniel!?"

Because Daniel has changed. Because I have changed.

Chapter 28. I think... I smell like a homeless person

He tried to call me. I didn't answer. He tried again. I didn't answer. He texted me. I deleted his messages without reading them. After 3 weeks he stopped. I was relieved. 

I'm not going to lie to you: I was a mess. I didn't want to leave my bed. And when someone opened my bedroom door, I just tuned my back. I wanted to be alone. I needed the world around me to stop existing. I needed this unbearable aching in my chest to stop. But most of all I needed the memory of his face, touch, voice, smell, laugh... to be erased from my head. 

1 month later

I opened my eyes. It was too early to wake up, so it was a perfect time, in my mind, to wake up. I smelled bad. I needed a shower. I tiptoed to bathroom and stood under the hot water nearly an hour. It was time for me to crawl out of my pity hole. It was time to step back into the world. And I couldn't do it if I smelled like a homeless person. I washed my hair 4 times to make sure it was clean. As I turned the water off, I heard a silent nock on the door.

"Netta, honey? Are you alright." my mom whispered. I guess I had woken her up.

"Yep. I just needed a shover." I answered giggling for some reason. 

"Ok. It's three a clock. You do know that.." she continued sounding extremely confused.

"Yep"

"Ok. Well, I'm going back to bed." 

I took my towel and wrapped it around me. Then I stood in front of the mirror. I looked awful. I was pale, though I had been in a hot shower. My eyes looked tired and my whole posture was tired. I looked 5 inches smaller than before. 

"Well, you sexy beast. Today you need to man up." I said. 

I sat in my parents' living room thinking what my whole "man up" thing really meant. It was 5 AM so I was in no hurry. 

"A plan. I need a plan." I said out loud. Two hours later my parents came downstairs. They were curious and worried. 

"You don't have to worry, guys. I have a plan. Today my life will go back to normal."

10 hours later

The plan failed. I was in a supermarket where I saw a NHL magazine. He was on the cover. 

Chapter 27. I Think...I have to get out

Out of the corner of my eye I saw it happen. At first I thought it was nothing. Sidney was standing near the staircase that led to Restaurant's roof terrace. He was leaning against the wall and was having a conversation with a beautiful woman. They talked. Nothing special. But still I was feeling restless. Not jealous but restless. But then something happened. The woman leaned against him, whispered something into his ear. For a while they didn't speak. I could only Sidney's back but the women's expression was very tender and she looked at Sidney with a small smile. Then she gently touched his arm, then his cheek. I was getting dizzy. The last thing I saw was his hand on her shoulder and her  lips kissing his cheek. 

I have to get out. 

The taxi was waited me as I tried to find my passport and pack my stuff. I was in a hurry. I didn't want Sidney to to realize that I had left the party and was at his house trying to get my stuff so I could leave. Leave for good. I kept looking out of the window hoping not to see his car. He didn't come. I ran outside ignoring my injury. 

"To the airport."

The driver just nodded. He had noticed the tears and my panic, but he knew better not to ask anything.  I watched as the house disappeared from my sight. 

"Goodbye," I whispered and closed my eyes.

Chapter 26. I Think about will power

Hey gals! It's been a long long long time, but I'm back and story of Netta and Sidney will continue.

For some reason, he didn't turn me into a mad woman anymore. It was like a line had been crossed. I really knew he loved me and I actually wasn't afraid of it. Everything was so comfortable now. I guess he had fixed me. It's amazing what love can do.

"I love you." He whispered into my ear, and with a curious look as he tried to read my reaction.

"I'm not freaking out." I laughed.

"Good."

We had this conversation several times the following day. And every time he told me that he loved me, I started to believe that God had created him because of me.

"Nets! Come on! We're already late." I could hear him yelling downstairs. I quickly added just a bit more lipstick.

"Well that's not my fault." I laughed.

We had been, well lets just say that we were doing what people who are madly in love do.

"Netta. I'm leaving in two minutes, with or without you." He chuckled.

I was finally ready. We were going to one of Sidney's friends engagement party. And because it was not just a beer night with guys but an upscale event, I had done my best to look good, since I knew he would look amazing in his tux. I stepped out of the bathroom making sure that I had my scarf and handbag with me. I was half way down the staircase when Sidney turned to me. He looked at me without saying a word.

"Do I look alright?" I asked selfconciously.

"Yeah you look alright, silly. You look wonderful."

"Thank you."

He took my hand and helped me down, because my leg still wasn't perfectly healed.

"I think I'll be having hard time tonight keeping all the single guys away from you."

"I know." I laughed.

The party was held in a downtown restaurant. I didn't know any of the guests, because none of Sidney's teammates were there. It was a bit overwhelming to meet so many new people. After Sidney had introduced me to at least 40 people, I excused myself and went to the ladies' room. I was still inside a stall as I hear two girls speaking, unaware of my presence. 

"Did you see her?" The girl, with low sexy voice, asked. She was trying to sound indifferent.

"Yeah. I wasn't expecting it at all." The other one said and continued: "I mean, I thought he would be a bit more discreet than this... To bring her here. I wonder what Anne thinks. She must be devastated. What an asshole!" 

I tried to be quiet because I realized they were talking about me, Sidney and Anne. The girl whose Daniel Sidney was. The last thing I wanted was to face this two gossipers.

"I know. I really don't get it, though. Why would anyone bring their new "girlfriend" (though I couldn't see, I knew she did the quotation marks with her fingers) to their ex's brother engagement party?"

What! Seriously? Sidney had never mentioned that the couple was somehow related to the famous Anne. I was getting upset. He should have told me.  The girls left. I took a deep breath. How embarrassing! I opened the stall door and stepped out. It took ten minutes for me to gain enough courage to leave the ladies' room. I tried to forgot the conversation I had just eavesdropped. 

I tried to concentrate on getting to know Sidney's friends. I smiled and laughed. But the truth is, I was  upset and I had to use all my will power not to let it show. 

But then something happened. It changed everything.

Chapter 25. I Think... About The Burning Letters

It was like a dream. I walked trough his living room to the door that led to his back yard. I tried to ignore my surroundings. Goodness, this man had some weird candle and rose fetish. Once again I was in a room filled with this little things that people normally call romantic. But unlike other people do, I wished they would somehow disappear. I really wanted things to be normal. His grand gesture was driving me crazy. I tried to sound as casual as possible when I said:

"Wow, Sidney. This is really beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it." He smiled.

Was he trying to burn his house down, cause it sure looked like it.

"So what's going on? You said there was something waiting for me outside."

He just nodded and ushered me outside. GULP! Not only did the endless theme of candles continue, but there was a huge hot air balloon standing there. This was a dream! It had to be, because nothing this ridiculous could really exist.

"Wh-what the f..." I cried out but he stopped me before I could finish.

"This is why I've been acting all weird today. They almost screwed things up, by mixing up the dates or something. And they also brought the candles too early. Atleast they didn't take them out of the boxes, so they didn't ruin the surprise completely."

He came behind me and put his arms around me.

"Netta, Don't freak out." His voice was deep and full of authority.

"I'm trying not to." Mine on the other hand sounded like a tiny mouse's whisper. He squeezed my shoulders.

"Come on." He said and I found myself following him to the hot air balloon. An old man was waiting for us.

"Netta, this is Carl. His going to fly us with this thing." Sidney introduced him.

"Nice to meet you, miss. Please, hop in so we can start the flight."

The old man looked more like a nursing home resident than someone who was qualified to fly something. But if "Mr Grosby" trusted him so maybe the "miss" should too.

With a deep sigh I stepped in and was followed by Sidney. Slowly the balloon started to rise.



We were above his house. Maybe this wasn't so bad. I had to admit that the view was spectacle and Carl was with us so Sidney had to behave. Not that weird I-love-you-thing. Sidney pointed me some of the houses below and told me about them. We were heading away from the city and there were only few houses below us. Just a road with tiny cars. Then I spotted something. There was a field right next to the road. And then I saw big letters on the ground, apparently they were on fire, because of the glow. At first I couldn't quite make out what was written on the ground, but when the hot air balloon moved a bit, I was able to read it.

"Ow, look Sidney! Someone's going to propose."

"Yeah." He said.

I stared at the burning letters: MARRY ME? This night was really like a dream. I pictured in my mind how some guy would kneel before a girl tonight. And I smiled thinking about her reaction. How sweet to propose like that. Burning letters. That was romantic. Then it crossed my mind that it was impossible to read the letters from the ground. He should somehow get the girl higher so she could read it. Maybe... Before I could continue this thought, a weird shiver went trough my body. The boy should get the girl higher... I shook my head before I let myself to think any further. It was too dangerous to think any further. I was too scared to look at Sidney now. Way too dangerous! He might realize what I was thinking... NO! What I was almost thinking. And then he would think I was crazy thinking about something like that.

"I think I'm insane." I said in my mind.

We fly further from the letters and I was relieved. But after a while I saw new burning letters.

YEAH YOU.

And new letters.

I LOVE YOU

And new letters.

SO PLEASE, MARRY ME

"Maybe we should land now." Carl said and Sidney nodded.

"Here? On the field?" I asked nervously. We hit the ground and Sidney helped me out of the balloon.

We silently walked away. When we reached the last burning letters, he turned to me. But before he said anything, he took something form his pocket. It was a box. I stared at numbly. Everything was so surreal.

"Netta, I've never felt anything like this before. I am so in love with you. I want to be with you forever."

"Sidney..." He gently covered my mouth with his hand.

"You have to let me speak before you say anything. OK?" He looked at me demanding me to listen. I nodded and he continued.

"I want to make you happy. I want to love you. And I know I can give you everything you'll ever need. I will build my world around you. So I want to ask you a question." He kneed before me and took my hand. Tears filled my eyes and rush of happiness filled my heart.

"Will you marry me?"

I was going to say yes. He loved me. And... I loved him. So much. But for some reason I couldn't say that small word.

"Sidney. I love you too..." I started. He looked at me and as if could've read something from my eyes, his own eyes narrowed a bit.

"You love me. But."

"I love you but I can't say yes. Not now. Not yet." Suddenly everything was clear.

He looked so disappointed that it was hard for me to look at him.

"Sidney, we've only known for couple of months. And most of our relationship we've been on the phone."

"Netta, I know you. I know you enough to know that you are the one for me." He wasn't on his knee anymore but he was really close, holding me against him.

"I know you know me. I think you know me better than I know myself. But that's the point. I'm like a broken china which pieces has just been glued back together."

"What do you mean?" His voice was really demanding.

"I'm just learning to love again... learning to let somebody be close to me. I can't say yes now, Sidney. Please, try to understand. I really would like to say yes, but I cant."

He took couple steps back and looked at me.

"Could you wait for me?" I asked staring at him with a new courage. "I will say yes to you, but not now."

He nodded and a smile came back to his lips.

"I will wait for you."

I hugged him.

"Um... Can I see the ring, please?"

He burst into laughter.

Chapter 24. I Think... Huh?

Sidney told me that he had plans for us for the night. So I was in my fancy cocktail dress sitting next to him in his car. He wasn't moody anymore. Weirdly enough he was really happy and bubbly. He couldn't stop smiling and making really bad jokes, which I still loved. His jokes are so bad that they are funny. I think some of his worst ones are epic. I loved when he told about his teammates and pranks they did to keep things exciting. I told him about my own "team" and how we always did some silly things. Especially Filippa, who apparently thinks that it is funny to see me in very awkward situation.

"When we were in Singapore, she stole all my clothes while I was in shower. Of course she had no idea when I asked about them. She said that maybe someone had broken in and stolen them." I laughed.

"How long did it take to get them back?" He asked.

"My clothes miraculously came back after couple hours, just before our show. I had to borrow a T-shirt and shorts from Vicky. Naturally I had my revenge when she was at the hotel swimming pool."

He parked the car. We were in a small dark alley.

"If you're planning on killing me, this is the perfect spot." I laughed as he came to open my door. He gently pulled me out of the car into his arms. He gave me a very long and passionate kiss and I could feel his hands moving all over me.

"You really are killing me." I whispered out of breath.

"Good." he whispered into my ear. Then he took my and led me to a door. Bear in mind that this was a very dark alley so I had no idea where we were or where that door was leading to. When he opened the door, I saw a huge kitchen. I guessed we were in a restaurant and I guessed right. There was a chef who nodded to us politely and told Sidney that everything was ready. Then Sidney took me to a room filled with red roses and candles. And when I say this, I don't mean just few candles, it felt like the whole room was on fire, that's how many candles there were. It was really beautiful, I've never seen anything like it.

"You really have a thing for roses and candles. And closing restaurants for a peaceful dinner." I sighed with a smile.

"Only this time I didn't close the restaurant. This is a private cabinet but on the other side of this wall there are people eating the best food in Pittsburgh." He smiled and pulled a chair for me.

"Thank you."

A waiter came in. He looked like a butler from some old fashioned British movie. He gave us the menus and with a bow he disappeared.

Instead of looking at the menu, he kept staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing."

I tried to concentrate on the menu but his eyes made it impossible

"Seriously what?"

"Seriously nothing." He laughed. I just sighed and lifted the menu so he couldn't see me anymore. I could hear him laughing.

"I think I'm going to order pasta." I said trying to get his attention to his menu.

"Okay. I think I'll have my usual.

"You come here often?" I asked not really understanding why he burst into laugh.

"Great pick-up line." He said.

"Haha. You use it often?" I said sarcasticly.

"No, I'm more original. If this was the first time I'd meet you, I would tell you that I like your dress but I'd like it more on my bedroom floor."

Now it was my time to laugh.

"You wouldn't say that. That's not even so original. I've heard it many times."

"Okay, what about this: Wow, this is how it feels like."

I raised my eyebrows.

"I don't get that."

"Love at first sight." He explained. My God, he wasn't joking.

"You fell in... No! Wow you're really good with pick-up lines." I mumbled very selfconsciously.

"It really was love at first sight." He said seriously.

"Seriously?" I asked and I could literally feel myself blushing.

"Why do you look so surprised? Wasn't that pretty obvious?" He asked amused.

"I was an ass when we first met."

"No, you were sassy and unpredictable. I guess it's a deadly combination. And you were sexy as hell."

"You really are crazy." I sighed in shock.

"I guess I am." He smiled and gently rubbed my hand, which rested on the table.

"Netta... I love you."

My mind went blank.

"Y-y-you do?" I heard myself saying.

"Netta, you have to keep breathing."

Inhale, I ordered myself.

"I love you." He repeated.

My stupid brain stopped working. All my body was able to do was go numb. And then everything blurred.


I found myself sitting on the sidewalk being held up by Sidney's strong arms. He looked worried and amused at the same time. I could feel his breath on my cheek.

"Wh-what happened?" I asked and touched back of my head. What ever had happened, I must have hit my head because I had a small bump.

"You fainted." He looked really intensely at me, I guess he was trying to find out if something serious was wrong with me.

"Why are we here? Outside?"

We were in front of the restaurant and people passing by were giving us really curious looks.

"I thought you needed some fresh air."

"Oh. Well I'm okay now." I said and tried to stand up but his grip tightened.

"Don't even think about it. I don't want you fainting again. It's scary."

I guess I had no choise, so I just remained seated and tried to clear my head. What had just happened? I remembered the candles and roses. ANd slowly my mind returned to our conversation. And when I came to the part when Sidney spoke about loving me my body just shivered. I guess he felt it.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yep." I said. Once again I was trying to convince myself more than him. Something seriously was wrong with me.

"Do you want to go home?"

"Yes please." I whispered. The last thing I needed now was to go back to that room filled with romance. His house sounded more safe.

"Ok. Wait here. I'll get the car." He was already gone but I could hear him talking silently on the phone.

We didn't speak on our way home. I secretly glanced at him. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts which was a relief. I was not in the mood to chitchat. I really needed to get into my room and just lie on the bed, look at the ceiling and process this weird "I love you"-thing in my very complexed brain. As we turned to his driveway I had no idea what was waiting for us in the house, and more importantly in the backyard. If I had, I would've gladly gone back to that romance filled room.