Chapter 30. I Think... he is always on my mind

"Daniel, this is Fippa. Fippa, Daniel." I introduced and hoped that Daniel wouldn't notice how discussed Filippa was.

"Nice to meet you, Fippa." Daniel smiled his brilliant smile. That smile would make a grown woman giggle. But Filippa was immune to him. She just nodded.

"I've heard a lot about you." Filippa said. 

Oh no. This was not going well.

The whole afternoon was a disaster. My brothers barely said a word. Kayley was "busy" answering every single phone call. "I'm so sorry. It's work. I got to take this." She said and walked out of the room.

Filippa, on the other hand, was making an effort. An effort to make Daniel feel like an ass. 

But Daniel. He was brilliant. He was friendly. He constantly tried to make a conversation. And when he didn't success, it didn't bother him. He smiled. I smiled and giggled. I tried to make them like him. I laughed at every single joke he told. I nodded and sighed. 

"Well, this was nice. I hope you'll have a great time in Finland, Filippa. Netta, I'll call you. Bye!"

He left. 

"Finally!" Nooa shouted.

"Nooa!" I hissed. "That's rude and you're so mean."

"If I have to hear your fake laugh one more time, I'm going to kill myself." he continued.

"It was not fake, you jerk! You were all very rude!" I nearly cried. I hated them all so much. 

Niklas hugged me when he noticed how upset I was. I tried to push the jerk away, but my bear-like brother didn't move an inch.

"I'm sorry, Tiny. We weren't nice." He whispered. I sighed and stopped pushing him away. But then he continued: "But it was really annoying. You were trying too hard. And right now it's impossible for us to like him."

"Right." I said icily. "And why is that? He makes me happy. He literally saved me. You all saw how I was couple months ago. Then he showed up and look at me now!"

"Netsie, we know you. You don't have to do this." Kayley said. Suddenly she didn't have to answer any of her calls. 

"So you all want me to crawl back to my bed? You want me to seriously think about jumping in front of a car? He has made it better!" 

Filippa was very silent. She just looked at me with an expression I couldn't read.

"What?" I screamed. 

"You thought about jumping in front of a car?" she asked silently.

"So?" 

Suddenly the whole room was quiet. Kayley was holding tears back. My brothers didn't know what to do. And Filippa, my dear Filippa... slapped me on my cheek.

"How dare you!" she shouted. I've never seen her so angry.

"You hit me." I whispered and held my cheek.

"Of course I hit you if you tell me that you thought about killing yourself!"

Kayley couldn't hold the tears back anymore. She started sobbing. Niklas and Nooa were still as statues. 

"Netta. I'm going to tell you this only once. You DO NOT even think about that. You WILL NOT ruin  other people's lives just because you are bad in relationships... NO! Don't interrupt me! You stop thinking only about yourself! Stop being a selfish bitch! Your family, your friends need you and love you. So take your head out of your ass and start to live your life!" No she was crying too.

Several months later 

"Hey"! I said.

"Hey to yourself." Daniel answered and gave my cheek a kiss. 

We met at the hospital cafeteria. He wore his white jacket. 

"How are you?" he asked and gave a coffee mug.

"Um... I'm good." 

He looked so friendly. His light brown hair and tender blue eyes reminded me of high school. Oh Daniel. How different our lives could be.

"And you? How are you?" I asked.

"I'm glad you wanted to see me."

"Yeah... I think I needed to explain."

He nodded. He patiently waited me to continue. 

"Well... when you met my brothers, Kay and Fippa... I'm so sorry. They were awful! I hope they didn't upset you."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I kinda deserved it." He gently took my hand. I smiled. He was too good to be real.

"I guess so." I sighed. It felt so good that Daniel admitted that he had acted wrong. 

"Netta, I'm so happy that... that you are giving me another chance." He lifted my hand and kissed it. 

"I don't think I had any other choice. I never really got over you. Even with him, you were always on my mind." From the corner of my eye I saw cafeteria TV. The Olympics broadcast.

"Good."

Chapter 29. I think...I have changed

Hey you! I'd love to read your comments. Are you still reading this blog? Do you want more? What do you expect to happen next? Anything that's on your mind...

And by the way, you can find my two other stories on the sidebar. A thing called sweet revenge (Jonathan Toews) and Last Name (Tyler Seguin)

 But now...

1 year after the supermarket incident

"Netta!" Fillippa screamed with excitement. She ran into my arms. I squeezed her tightly. 

"I missed you," I said. I took a step back and saw her new hair. I touched it and laughed.

"Did you pay for this?" Her hair looked crazy. 

"Hey! Leave my hair alone. I love it! It's amazing." She looked a bit upset.

"It's amazingly red," I said. 

"Exactly what I wanted. Rihanna was my inspiration. And no, I did not pay for it. I did it myself."

I nodded and grapped her hand. She followed me pulling her suitcase. As we stepped out of the arrival terminal I noticed how Filippa was giving me curious looks.

"What?"

"You look good. I guess you started to eat again." She said.

"Mm."

I was glad she came to visit me. I hadn't seen her for over a year. Skype is great but nothing beats reality. 

"So, do you have plans for our weekend?" She asked as I drove my dad's car out of the airport parking garage. 

"I want you to meet someone." I said nervously. 

"Who?"

"Um... a guy. I've invited him for a dinner tonight. My parent's are in Berlin this weekend and we can stay at their house. There's more room. So I invited this guy, because I want you to meet him. My brothers and Kay are coming too." I was talking really fast.

"Right... a guy? Wow," she didn't sound excited.

"Yeah... I think you'll like him. He's a doctor."

"Just to be clear, are you trying to fix me up with someone or..."

"Oh no! I want you to meet him because... I... We... I like him. He's an old friend. We haven't been in touch for couple years..."

She looked shocked.

"Nets, what are you doing?"

I was confused. 

"What?"

"Don't tell me.... PLEASE don't tell me this "old friend" is... No! I don't even want to say his name aloud. You must mean someone else."

I sighed. This is why I was nervous. I knew I had to explain this. Explain him. Filippa knew too much about him.

"Please, try to have an open mind." I pleaded.

"Are you serious? The guy who fucked your life up. This makes me sick."

"Fippa, he's changed. I'm changed." I said silently.

"No, you haven't changed. You're still, after all these years, blind and stupid."

"Hey!" 

"Seriously, you don't learn anything. You get burned and after couple months you burn yourself again. This is ridiculous. Why him? Why on earth Daniel!?"

Because Daniel has changed. Because I have changed.

Chapter 28. I think... I smell like a homeless person

He tried to call me. I didn't answer. He tried again. I didn't answer. He texted me. I deleted his messages without reading them. After 3 weeks he stopped. I was relieved. 

I'm not going to lie to you: I was a mess. I didn't want to leave my bed. And when someone opened my bedroom door, I just tuned my back. I wanted to be alone. I needed the world around me to stop existing. I needed this unbearable aching in my chest to stop. But most of all I needed the memory of his face, touch, voice, smell, laugh... to be erased from my head. 

1 month later

I opened my eyes. It was too early to wake up, so it was a perfect time, in my mind, to wake up. I smelled bad. I needed a shower. I tiptoed to bathroom and stood under the hot water nearly an hour. It was time for me to crawl out of my pity hole. It was time to step back into the world. And I couldn't do it if I smelled like a homeless person. I washed my hair 4 times to make sure it was clean. As I turned the water off, I heard a silent nock on the door.

"Netta, honey? Are you alright." my mom whispered. I guess I had woken her up.

"Yep. I just needed a shover." I answered giggling for some reason. 

"Ok. It's three a clock. You do know that.." she continued sounding extremely confused.

"Yep"

"Ok. Well, I'm going back to bed." 

I took my towel and wrapped it around me. Then I stood in front of the mirror. I looked awful. I was pale, though I had been in a hot shower. My eyes looked tired and my whole posture was tired. I looked 5 inches smaller than before. 

"Well, you sexy beast. Today you need to man up." I said. 

I sat in my parents' living room thinking what my whole "man up" thing really meant. It was 5 AM so I was in no hurry. 

"A plan. I need a plan." I said out loud. Two hours later my parents came downstairs. They were curious and worried. 

"You don't have to worry, guys. I have a plan. Today my life will go back to normal."

10 hours later

The plan failed. I was in a supermarket where I saw a NHL magazine. He was on the cover. 

Chapter 27. I Think...I have to get out

Out of the corner of my eye I saw it happen. At first I thought it was nothing. Sidney was standing near the staircase that led to Restaurant's roof terrace. He was leaning against the wall and was having a conversation with a beautiful woman. They talked. Nothing special. But still I was feeling restless. Not jealous but restless. But then something happened. The woman leaned against him, whispered something into his ear. For a while they didn't speak. I could only Sidney's back but the women's expression was very tender and she looked at Sidney with a small smile. Then she gently touched his arm, then his cheek. I was getting dizzy. The last thing I saw was his hand on her shoulder and her  lips kissing his cheek. 

I have to get out. 

The taxi was waited me as I tried to find my passport and pack my stuff. I was in a hurry. I didn't want Sidney to to realize that I had left the party and was at his house trying to get my stuff so I could leave. Leave for good. I kept looking out of the window hoping not to see his car. He didn't come. I ran outside ignoring my injury. 

"To the airport."

The driver just nodded. He had noticed the tears and my panic, but he knew better not to ask anything.  I watched as the house disappeared from my sight. 

"Goodbye," I whispered and closed my eyes.

Chapter 26. I Think about will power

Hey gals! It's been a long long long time, but I'm back and story of Netta and Sidney will continue.

For some reason, he didn't turn me into a mad woman anymore. It was like a line had been crossed. I really knew he loved me and I actually wasn't afraid of it. Everything was so comfortable now. I guess he had fixed me. It's amazing what love can do.

"I love you." He whispered into my ear, and with a curious look as he tried to read my reaction.

"I'm not freaking out." I laughed.

"Good."

We had this conversation several times the following day. And every time he told me that he loved me, I started to believe that God had created him because of me.

"Nets! Come on! We're already late." I could hear him yelling downstairs. I quickly added just a bit more lipstick.

"Well that's not my fault." I laughed.

We had been, well lets just say that we were doing what people who are madly in love do.

"Netta. I'm leaving in two minutes, with or without you." He chuckled.

I was finally ready. We were going to one of Sidney's friends engagement party. And because it was not just a beer night with guys but an upscale event, I had done my best to look good, since I knew he would look amazing in his tux. I stepped out of the bathroom making sure that I had my scarf and handbag with me. I was half way down the staircase when Sidney turned to me. He looked at me without saying a word.

"Do I look alright?" I asked selfconciously.

"Yeah you look alright, silly. You look wonderful."

"Thank you."

He took my hand and helped me down, because my leg still wasn't perfectly healed.

"I think I'll be having hard time tonight keeping all the single guys away from you."

"I know." I laughed.

The party was held in a downtown restaurant. I didn't know any of the guests, because none of Sidney's teammates were there. It was a bit overwhelming to meet so many new people. After Sidney had introduced me to at least 40 people, I excused myself and went to the ladies' room. I was still inside a stall as I hear two girls speaking, unaware of my presence. 

"Did you see her?" The girl, with low sexy voice, asked. She was trying to sound indifferent.

"Yeah. I wasn't expecting it at all." The other one said and continued: "I mean, I thought he would be a bit more discreet than this... To bring her here. I wonder what Anne thinks. She must be devastated. What an asshole!" 

I tried to be quiet because I realized they were talking about me, Sidney and Anne. The girl whose Daniel Sidney was. The last thing I wanted was to face this two gossipers.

"I know. I really don't get it, though. Why would anyone bring their new "girlfriend" (though I couldn't see, I knew she did the quotation marks with her fingers) to their ex's brother engagement party?"

What! Seriously? Sidney had never mentioned that the couple was somehow related to the famous Anne. I was getting upset. He should have told me.  The girls left. I took a deep breath. How embarrassing! I opened the stall door and stepped out. It took ten minutes for me to gain enough courage to leave the ladies' room. I tried to forgot the conversation I had just eavesdropped. 

I tried to concentrate on getting to know Sidney's friends. I smiled and laughed. But the truth is, I was  upset and I had to use all my will power not to let it show. 

But then something happened. It changed everything.

Chapter 25. I Think... About The Burning Letters

It was like a dream. I walked trough his living room to the door that led to his back yard. I tried to ignore my surroundings. Goodness, this man had some weird candle and rose fetish. Once again I was in a room filled with this little things that people normally call romantic. But unlike other people do, I wished they would somehow disappear. I really wanted things to be normal. His grand gesture was driving me crazy. I tried to sound as casual as possible when I said:

"Wow, Sidney. This is really beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it." He smiled.

Was he trying to burn his house down, cause it sure looked like it.

"So what's going on? You said there was something waiting for me outside."

He just nodded and ushered me outside. GULP! Not only did the endless theme of candles continue, but there was a huge hot air balloon standing there. This was a dream! It had to be, because nothing this ridiculous could really exist.

"Wh-what the f..." I cried out but he stopped me before I could finish.

"This is why I've been acting all weird today. They almost screwed things up, by mixing up the dates or something. And they also brought the candles too early. Atleast they didn't take them out of the boxes, so they didn't ruin the surprise completely."

He came behind me and put his arms around me.

"Netta, Don't freak out." His voice was deep and full of authority.

"I'm trying not to." Mine on the other hand sounded like a tiny mouse's whisper. He squeezed my shoulders.

"Come on." He said and I found myself following him to the hot air balloon. An old man was waiting for us.

"Netta, this is Carl. His going to fly us with this thing." Sidney introduced him.

"Nice to meet you, miss. Please, hop in so we can start the flight."

The old man looked more like a nursing home resident than someone who was qualified to fly something. But if "Mr Grosby" trusted him so maybe the "miss" should too.

With a deep sigh I stepped in and was followed by Sidney. Slowly the balloon started to rise.



We were above his house. Maybe this wasn't so bad. I had to admit that the view was spectacle and Carl was with us so Sidney had to behave. Not that weird I-love-you-thing. Sidney pointed me some of the houses below and told me about them. We were heading away from the city and there were only few houses below us. Just a road with tiny cars. Then I spotted something. There was a field right next to the road. And then I saw big letters on the ground, apparently they were on fire, because of the glow. At first I couldn't quite make out what was written on the ground, but when the hot air balloon moved a bit, I was able to read it.

"Ow, look Sidney! Someone's going to propose."

"Yeah." He said.

I stared at the burning letters: MARRY ME? This night was really like a dream. I pictured in my mind how some guy would kneel before a girl tonight. And I smiled thinking about her reaction. How sweet to propose like that. Burning letters. That was romantic. Then it crossed my mind that it was impossible to read the letters from the ground. He should somehow get the girl higher so she could read it. Maybe... Before I could continue this thought, a weird shiver went trough my body. The boy should get the girl higher... I shook my head before I let myself to think any further. It was too dangerous to think any further. I was too scared to look at Sidney now. Way too dangerous! He might realize what I was thinking... NO! What I was almost thinking. And then he would think I was crazy thinking about something like that.

"I think I'm insane." I said in my mind.

We fly further from the letters and I was relieved. But after a while I saw new burning letters.

YEAH YOU.

And new letters.

I LOVE YOU

And new letters.

SO PLEASE, MARRY ME

"Maybe we should land now." Carl said and Sidney nodded.

"Here? On the field?" I asked nervously. We hit the ground and Sidney helped me out of the balloon.

We silently walked away. When we reached the last burning letters, he turned to me. But before he said anything, he took something form his pocket. It was a box. I stared at numbly. Everything was so surreal.

"Netta, I've never felt anything like this before. I am so in love with you. I want to be with you forever."

"Sidney..." He gently covered my mouth with his hand.

"You have to let me speak before you say anything. OK?" He looked at me demanding me to listen. I nodded and he continued.

"I want to make you happy. I want to love you. And I know I can give you everything you'll ever need. I will build my world around you. So I want to ask you a question." He kneed before me and took my hand. Tears filled my eyes and rush of happiness filled my heart.

"Will you marry me?"

I was going to say yes. He loved me. And... I loved him. So much. But for some reason I couldn't say that small word.

"Sidney. I love you too..." I started. He looked at me and as if could've read something from my eyes, his own eyes narrowed a bit.

"You love me. But."

"I love you but I can't say yes. Not now. Not yet." Suddenly everything was clear.

He looked so disappointed that it was hard for me to look at him.

"Sidney, we've only known for couple of months. And most of our relationship we've been on the phone."

"Netta, I know you. I know you enough to know that you are the one for me." He wasn't on his knee anymore but he was really close, holding me against him.

"I know you know me. I think you know me better than I know myself. But that's the point. I'm like a broken china which pieces has just been glued back together."

"What do you mean?" His voice was really demanding.

"I'm just learning to love again... learning to let somebody be close to me. I can't say yes now, Sidney. Please, try to understand. I really would like to say yes, but I cant."

He took couple steps back and looked at me.

"Could you wait for me?" I asked staring at him with a new courage. "I will say yes to you, but not now."

He nodded and a smile came back to his lips.

"I will wait for you."

I hugged him.

"Um... Can I see the ring, please?"

He burst into laughter.

Chapter 24. I Think... Huh?

Sidney told me that he had plans for us for the night. So I was in my fancy cocktail dress sitting next to him in his car. He wasn't moody anymore. Weirdly enough he was really happy and bubbly. He couldn't stop smiling and making really bad jokes, which I still loved. His jokes are so bad that they are funny. I think some of his worst ones are epic. I loved when he told about his teammates and pranks they did to keep things exciting. I told him about my own "team" and how we always did some silly things. Especially Filippa, who apparently thinks that it is funny to see me in very awkward situation.

"When we were in Singapore, she stole all my clothes while I was in shower. Of course she had no idea when I asked about them. She said that maybe someone had broken in and stolen them." I laughed.

"How long did it take to get them back?" He asked.

"My clothes miraculously came back after couple hours, just before our show. I had to borrow a T-shirt and shorts from Vicky. Naturally I had my revenge when she was at the hotel swimming pool."

He parked the car. We were in a small dark alley.

"If you're planning on killing me, this is the perfect spot." I laughed as he came to open my door. He gently pulled me out of the car into his arms. He gave me a very long and passionate kiss and I could feel his hands moving all over me.

"You really are killing me." I whispered out of breath.

"Good." he whispered into my ear. Then he took my and led me to a door. Bear in mind that this was a very dark alley so I had no idea where we were or where that door was leading to. When he opened the door, I saw a huge kitchen. I guessed we were in a restaurant and I guessed right. There was a chef who nodded to us politely and told Sidney that everything was ready. Then Sidney took me to a room filled with red roses and candles. And when I say this, I don't mean just few candles, it felt like the whole room was on fire, that's how many candles there were. It was really beautiful, I've never seen anything like it.

"You really have a thing for roses and candles. And closing restaurants for a peaceful dinner." I sighed with a smile.

"Only this time I didn't close the restaurant. This is a private cabinet but on the other side of this wall there are people eating the best food in Pittsburgh." He smiled and pulled a chair for me.

"Thank you."

A waiter came in. He looked like a butler from some old fashioned British movie. He gave us the menus and with a bow he disappeared.

Instead of looking at the menu, he kept staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing."

I tried to concentrate on the menu but his eyes made it impossible

"Seriously what?"

"Seriously nothing." He laughed. I just sighed and lifted the menu so he couldn't see me anymore. I could hear him laughing.

"I think I'm going to order pasta." I said trying to get his attention to his menu.

"Okay. I think I'll have my usual.

"You come here often?" I asked not really understanding why he burst into laugh.

"Great pick-up line." He said.

"Haha. You use it often?" I said sarcasticly.

"No, I'm more original. If this was the first time I'd meet you, I would tell you that I like your dress but I'd like it more on my bedroom floor."

Now it was my time to laugh.

"You wouldn't say that. That's not even so original. I've heard it many times."

"Okay, what about this: Wow, this is how it feels like."

I raised my eyebrows.

"I don't get that."

"Love at first sight." He explained. My God, he wasn't joking.

"You fell in... No! Wow you're really good with pick-up lines." I mumbled very selfconsciously.

"It really was love at first sight." He said seriously.

"Seriously?" I asked and I could literally feel myself blushing.

"Why do you look so surprised? Wasn't that pretty obvious?" He asked amused.

"I was an ass when we first met."

"No, you were sassy and unpredictable. I guess it's a deadly combination. And you were sexy as hell."

"You really are crazy." I sighed in shock.

"I guess I am." He smiled and gently rubbed my hand, which rested on the table.

"Netta... I love you."

My mind went blank.

"Y-y-you do?" I heard myself saying.

"Netta, you have to keep breathing."

Inhale, I ordered myself.

"I love you." He repeated.

My stupid brain stopped working. All my body was able to do was go numb. And then everything blurred.


I found myself sitting on the sidewalk being held up by Sidney's strong arms. He looked worried and amused at the same time. I could feel his breath on my cheek.

"Wh-what happened?" I asked and touched back of my head. What ever had happened, I must have hit my head because I had a small bump.

"You fainted." He looked really intensely at me, I guess he was trying to find out if something serious was wrong with me.

"Why are we here? Outside?"

We were in front of the restaurant and people passing by were giving us really curious looks.

"I thought you needed some fresh air."

"Oh. Well I'm okay now." I said and tried to stand up but his grip tightened.

"Don't even think about it. I don't want you fainting again. It's scary."

I guess I had no choise, so I just remained seated and tried to clear my head. What had just happened? I remembered the candles and roses. ANd slowly my mind returned to our conversation. And when I came to the part when Sidney spoke about loving me my body just shivered. I guess he felt it.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yep." I said. Once again I was trying to convince myself more than him. Something seriously was wrong with me.

"Do you want to go home?"

"Yes please." I whispered. The last thing I needed now was to go back to that room filled with romance. His house sounded more safe.

"Ok. Wait here. I'll get the car." He was already gone but I could hear him talking silently on the phone.

We didn't speak on our way home. I secretly glanced at him. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts which was a relief. I was not in the mood to chitchat. I really needed to get into my room and just lie on the bed, look at the ceiling and process this weird "I love you"-thing in my very complexed brain. As we turned to his driveway I had no idea what was waiting for us in the house, and more importantly in the backyard. If I had, I would've gladly gone back to that romance filled room.

Chapter 23. I think... He's PMSing

It's been too long, I know. I just had some trouble with motivation. I hope you like this chapter, though it is too short. I try to do another soon. Please comment. It helps with the motivation problem. Tell me your ideas...


Lennon and Yoko Ono had to abandon their plan, because our flight left early in the morning. When we got to his place, his phone had rung atleast ten times. His agent, his lawyer, his coach, and his teammates all seemed to have something to say. He gave an apologetic smile as he began to talk with his lawyer about some sponsor contract. I didn't mind. I got some time to text to my brothers and to Filippa, who had been very curious about my trip.

To my brothers I wrote: I'm fine. Stop worrying.

And to Filippa: Yes I'm back. :)

Nothing else. I knew that would make her go crazy. But it was my time to tease her. I guess our roles had changed. She texted me back demanding to know more, I answered her that she was too nosy. She texted that it was her duty as a friend and I answered that she was still nosy. I laughed quietly thinking about Filippa's annoyed face. Sidney looked at me with a cute smile on his face. I whispered that I was texting with Filippa and he gave me a nod and returned back to his conversation about signing some papers. He parked the car outside the garage and with his free hand he took my bigger luggage and I took the smaller one. The house looked exactly the same except next to the door there were Sidney's huge bags still unpacked after their last road trip.

"I was in a hurry so I didn't have time to unpack." he explained and kicked the back so it wouldn't be on our way.

I found it quite strange since Sidney Crosby that I had come to known was very tidy person. Everything was in order. Other thing that was weird too was the fact that his phone kept ringing and ringing. I knew he was a busy person but it started to be a bit ridiculous. And for some reason he tried to make sure that I couldn't hear his conversations well. When I saw stepped into the living room, I saw atleast 10 boxes all around the room.

"Are you moving?" I asked curiously.

"Um, no. They're just some sponsor stuff. For a photo shoot." He explained. For some reason he seemed a bit pissed off. Where I not allowed to the the boxes? They were lying in the middle of the freaking living room, so if they were something top secret shit, then why hadn't he atleast tried to hide them.

"Okay. Should we move them?" I asked.

"No!" he said and his risen voice got my eyebrows to rise too.

Wow, he was weird today. I wondered why. Had I said something wrong, or was this something usual? He was PMSing.

"I'll take my stuff upstairs," I said quietly. He just nodded and and after I had left I heard him calling someone. I felt sorry for the person who he was speaking to. He was pissed off.

I sighed as I finally got to Sidney's guest room. My bags were a challenge for me because of my injured leg. And for my great surprise Sidney didn't even offer to help me. Seriously, what was going on in that dude's mind. He was moody and weird. I shrugged and sat on the bed. I looked around the room and noticed that he had put some paintings on the wall. It made me smile, because I had told him that his walls were in serious need of some pictures and art. He had listened though he told me that he was too busy to even noticed the walls, so what was the point of buying something he wouldn't even notice. He had bought some lovely paintings and hung them here were he knew I would be sleeping. He knew that I would notice them.

I heard a silent knock on the door and as I turned my eyes towards it, I saw him there smiling at me.

"You like them?" He asked and nodded towards the paintings.

"Yeah. I love them." I couldn't help but smile. He was weird but so cute and lovely.

Chapter 22. I Think...I'm Approximately the 5th

One of the most annoying thing is that when you get really into some blog you read it really fast and then it takes ages (or atleast it feels like it) to writer to update and you to get new chapters to read. I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a long time. Two weeks. Duh! I hope this chapter makes it up to you guys. And I am super thankful for your comments. THANK YOU! And a new follower! Awesome! So here's the chapter. Enjoy!


He ordered Chinese food for us and we made jokes about his chopsticks skills, or should I say lack of skills. After that we just did what we do best, we relaxed on the couch and just talked about everything and nothing. It was like I had never even left.

"I think I'm never letting you go back to Finland. This is too nice" He sighed and tightened his arms around me.

"Oh no mister. I know what your doing. Don't you dare to change the subject." I laughed. I had just asked about his previous lady friends.

"What do you want to know?" He moaned.

"Well... how many?" I asked, not really sure whether I wanted to know or not.

"I don't know... depends what counts?" He said and teased me with a naughty grin.

"What counts? Feelings counts, even crush."

"Um. I guess approximately 4." I could see he was not very comfortable with this topic.

"Approximately?" I wasn't sure was it a good thing or a bad thing.

"Yeah. I'm not sure. Oh, don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" I asked confused.

"Like you're thinking I'm a "bad boy" for not even knowing the number of my lady friends. And, come on, who calls them lady friends?"

"Fippa." I giggled. He laughed too.

"Besides not all of them were really ladylike." He continued.

"Aha. Well that's nice. So anything goes." I teased him.

"Oh come on. I'm not proud of everything I've done." He pleaded me to stop but I was not willing to do that. I wanted to know more. I don't know why, I mean if I was to find out one of those four was miss USA, I would die because of the loud of the pressure that would come with that knowledge.

"What where they like?"

He gave me the look of "let's talk about something else".

"Please, I want to know."

"Argh... fine. Jenny, my first crush, I guess she's married now. And then there was Lydia, my first..." He quickly stopped before finishing his sentence and looked at me slightly embarrassed.

"Your first dididumdum." I said seriously.

"Wh-what? What did you just say?" He laughed.

"Dididumdum. When I was younger my parents didn't want me to watch movies or TV shows with too much dididumdum, if you know what I mean." I explained.

"Well she was my first dididumdum." He said matter of factly.

"And then there was..." I said so he would continue.

"Anne. Just after I moved to Pittsburgh, I think she hates me now." That surprised me especially since there seemed to be guilt in his voice.

"Why? What did you do?" I asked quietly.

"I think I'm her Daniel." He said and looked away from me. I've never seen him like that. He looked like he was really ashamed of himself.

"Oh."

"I didn't see her the way she saw me." He continued and turned his eyes back on me.

"And after Anne?"

"A blond chick. Don't know her name." My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open and I just stared at him. I didn't think he was like that. But then again, he was a guy. Rich, professional athlete and surrounded by hot women all the time. I guess I kind of knew that though I didn't like it.

"Like I said, I'm not proud of everything I've done." He said and gently pushed my chin to close my mouth.

"Do you still like me?" He asked. I wasn't sure was he serious or just joking.

"Yes, I do still like you."

"Good. Because I've grown as a person since them. And I would never do anything to hurt you. You have to know that." He was dead serious.

"I know that." The same overwhelming feeling that washed over me at the JFK, took over. He was so intense. It was like his life depended on me believing him. Tears rose in to my eyes. Not because I was sad, but because how emotional that moment was. I had never been really good with showing my feelings to other people and an old habit kicked in. I quickly wiped away the tears and shrugged.

"Why did you do that?" He asked.

"Did what?"

"Hide away." He said.

"I don't know. Old habit, I guess."

"I don't like it when you hide from me." He sighed.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to hide from you. But like this. It's like I'm hiding with you. Hiding from the world around us. I can't believe I'm actually saying that I love to be in a hotel suite when there's my favorite city surrounding us."

"You want to go outside?" He asked.

"No!" I shouted and he laughed at my reaction.

"I don't want to leave ever. Let's just stay here for the rest of our lives. You have enough money to pay for this room for the next 60-70 years, right?"

"We could be like Lennon and Yoko Ono, except we would take this even further. Never to leave our couch." He laughed.

"Sounds like a plan."

Chapter 21. I Think... I Like Cheesy Lines

Happy new year 2011! I think it's time for a new chapter and I hope you'll enjoy it. I wish you would write a comment. It gives me extra motivation to write and sadly I haven't got any comments for a long time. So let me know what you think and your ideas would also be appreciated...



Me leaving again was a pleasant surprise for Kayley because she wanted someone else to be the new family member, because according to her it was a hard job especially because of my mom and her very very very enthusiastic sisters. But rest of the family wasn't that excited. They even tried to make me change my mind, which was pretty hopeless since I would never change my mind. I missed him so much and i needed to be with him. Even at the airport Niklas asked me to think this trough once again.

"Think about it Netta. You just had a surgery. Besides you just came back." He pleaded. I didn't think he was worried about my knee. Instead he wasn't happy knowing I was leaving because a guy.

"I love you all, but you guys really are pain in the ass." I moaned. "I have a free ticket and I'm not going to just throw it away."

Niklas threw his hands in the air as a surrender. It was useless, he knew that. He had seen how everything in my changed when I even talked about Sidney. He gave me a hug and whispered in my ear to be careful.

"Kay, try to keep my brother out of trouble." I said and she just rolled her eyes.

"I'll do my best."

Sooner than I realized I was sitting on a plane seat, business class naturally, and fastening my seat belt. I was going to see him. I was going to be with him. A wave of happiness washed over me.

The flight went smoothly. But my feelings weren't so smooth. The closer we got to JFK I got more nervous. We haven't seen each other for many weeks. I couldn't sit still, I had to move my feet all the time and I started to bite my finger nails, which is funny because I've never done it earlier. Why was I so nervous. He wanted me to come... Right? Yes! He had even bought the ticket. So he DID want me there. Oh man, I think I'm having a panic attack and I have no idea why. I tried to concentrate on breathing but when there was only 15 minutes left before landing even as simple thing as that turned into something very difficult. Even the old lady next to me started to get worried,

"Miss, are you alright?" She asked and stared at me.

"Um... I'm fine." I whispered but it didn't sound really reassuring.

"You don't look fine, dear." She continued. I was not going to tell her how pathetic I was so I had to lie.

"I'm a little scared of flying." I finally came up with a reasonable explanation. She believed me.

"Oh dear. Everything's going to be just fine. Here, give me your hand. We're almost there." And rest of the flight I was holding her hand as she tried to calm me down.

JFK was busy as always and it took ages to get my bags, but when I finally got them on my trolley I remembered that Sidney hadn't told me anything else about my trip. Like what was going to happen next. Was he waiting for me here or was I suppose to go to Pittsburgh on my own? I got my answer the minute I walked into the arrival hall. He was standing there with a huge grin on his face.

"Hey beautiful!" he greeted and gave me a bear hug. He didn't even give me chance to say anything before placing his lips on mine. The kiss was like marijuana. I didn̈́'t want him to stop. But unfortunately he did stop. He had to crab me hard so I wouldn't fall down. He literally swept me off my feat.

"I missed you." I whispered suddenly feeling overwhelmed by him and his touch.

"And I missed you. Can't believe you're really here. I hope you're not too tired."

"I'm not." I lied. I was tired but it was not going to ruin anything.

"Good. I have plans." He sad with a mysterious grin. Then he took me outside and we took a cap. He told the driver to go to a certain address which I figured would be in midtown because of the street number. Other than that I had no idea where we were going. And naturally he refused to tell me. I rested my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me. If you have ever loved some one and been apart, you know how good it feels just to be near him and not say a word. It almost feels like speaking would ruin everything, like that magical moment would somehow disappear. Even our cap driver who was singing some Bollywood song couldn't take the magic away. Finally we were close because all the buildings started to rise high around us. I love New York, but right then I couldn't care less about the city. All I could think about was him. The cap parked in front of a building and I immediately recognized the place. It was the same hotel where we had met the second time when Filippa had taken me to a jazz concert held in the lobby.

"What are we doing here?" I asked after Sidney had payed the driver and taken my bags.

"We are staying here for the night and and in the morning we're flying to Pittsburgh." He told me as we walked into the lobby.

I almost choked when the receptionist told us that our suite was ready and we could take the elevator up.

"A suite?" I hissed under my breath as we entered the elevator.

"Yeah."

"A normal room would've been just fine." I laughed nervously.

"You're gonna love it." He just smiled.

And I did. It was huge and very beautiful. But most importantly there were roses and candles everywhere. I gulped. It was all very romantic. Too romantic. I started to panic. I was in a very expensive hotel suite filled with red roses and candles. So it must have meant that he wanted something from me. Something that we hadn't done before. And that something scared the hell out of me. I was hardly comfortable exposing myself emotionally so there was no way that I could let him get physically that close to me.

"Do you like it?" He asked and put my bags down. Luckily I was not facing him so he couldn't see my desperation.

"Yes." I answered but it sounded more like a question than an answer.

I heard him taking taking couple steps towards me but suddenly he stopped.

"Netta." He said softly. It took all my will power to say something.

"Wh-what?"

"Honey, you can relax." He said. I think he was a bit amused because of a tone of his voice. "I just wanted to surprise you. That's all." So he knew what I was thinking. Now I was embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed." He said. Damn, he could read my mind.

"I'm sorry. You must think I'm crazy. And I don't blame you, because I agree."

"You're not crazy but I'm crazy about you." He said. And I believed him, though that was probably one of the cheesiest lines I've ever heard.

Chapter 20. I think...I'm in Seventh Heaven

As I had expected it was hard to have our phone dates ( Sidney called came up with that name) because of the stupid time zones. Even after my surgery, which forced me to stay at my parent's house doing absolutely nothing, we didn't find time. He was doing interviews and all sorts of campaigns in addition to his normal game schedule. Stupid Olympics! He was going to be on the team, though it wasn't official yet. He sent me messages apologizing for being too busy. I tried to understanding but frustration won my fake attitude sometimes. Usually when I was alone while my parents were at work. When they were home I tried to stay happy and concentrated on my recovery, because I didn't want them to be worried. Since my mom found out about me being in a relationship her stress level rose. She's a worrying type. I wanted her to think that everything was just fine, especially with Sidney. But I guess she knew I was faking it because she gave me all her weird looks and sighs.

But when he did call, I was in seventh heaven. His voice was so comforting that it made me forget that weren't sitting on his couch hand in hand. It made me forget my knee and most of all it made me forget all the frustration. I guess it was Friday when he called. It was almost 10 PM in Finland but he had just woke up from his pregame nap. He was still quite sleepy and sounded really funny and cute.

"Hey you." He said quietly.

"Hi!" I whispered for some reason. Maybe I didn't want my brothers, who were having their father-sons sauna and beer night, to hear me. I went to my bedroom, which by the way looked like a 10 year-old would live in there since I had all my childhood dolls and stuffed animals in there. I closed the door.

"Niksu and Noppa (Because they called my Tiny, I had come up with nicknames that had first irritated them but unfortunately they had grown used to them) are here. They just created the ultimate Olympics hockey team."

"Am I on their team?" He asked amused.

"No, they went old school. You know Gretzky and Kurri." I laughed and sat down on my bed. With my free hand I pushed my crutches onto the floor.

"Got to respect that." He chuckled.

For a while we didn't say anything. It was like neither of us found something to say, though there were million thing on our minds.

"Things are pretty crazy around here." He finally sighed.

"What's going on?" I asked suddenly feeling really tired not just physically but mentally. This long distance shit was almost too much for me to handle.

"Nothing that's not normal. I wish you were here though."

"I wish that too." I said it so quietly that he could barely hear me.

Damn, I wish it so badly that my whole body aches.

"Oh, I almost forgot. There'll be a delivery for you tomorrow morning. Are going to be home?"

"Where else would I be?" I laughed sarcastically.



Next morning when I woke up, there was a huge box on the kitchen table waiting for me. I guess the delivery man had come while I was still asleep and my parents had signed it for me before leaving for work. I smiled knowing that it was form him. I opened the box and saw a huge rose bouquet, similar to those which he had sent me when I was still touring and he was trying to make a good impression. There was also a note.

So you won't forget me.
Love, Sid.

I picked up the bouquet and found a vase big enough for it. I was about to put the box away when I noticed that there was something more inside. It was a small blue box, but to make it very clear, it didn't look like a ring box. It was slightly bigger. When I opened it I had to remind myself to breath. How did he get this!? My goodness! It was the exact necklace that I had lost in Central Park the day I had first met him. My grandmother's necklace. He hadn't just had it custom made to look like it. It was the exact same piece. I knew it because of a small crack. In the small box was also another note.

I guess this belongs to you.
Love, Sid

And I also found bigger envelope from the bottom of the big box. I slowly opened it, still feeling astonished at the necklace.

Dear Netta,

I wanted to show you that I'm serious about us. I'm serious when I say that you can trust me. I want you to know that I would do anything for you and I hope that my gift showed you how much you mean to mean. Being far away from you is hard but it sure does beat being close with someone else. Now I want you to call this number so you can get my real gift. It's a selfish gift, but hope you'll like it anyways.
Love, Sid

I took my cell and dialed the number he had wrote down. For my surprise a travel agency answered. The lady told me that there was a reservation for me.

"Okay... What kind of a reservation?" I asked puzzled.

"You'll fly from Helsinki to New York on Monday." She said and tried to sound very professional though I could hear from her voice that she was quite curious.

"On Monday!" I almost screamed. I pitied her ear.

"Yes, on Monday. And there seems to be a message for you attached to your booking. Let me see..." I could hear her clicking the mouse and typing something.

"...Yes, here it is. You should not be worried about anything since there will be a personal physiotherapist waiting for you and a very talented doctor with lots of experience in sports injuries."

Oh wow! I guess I don't have to take this long distance shit much longer!

Chapter 19. I Think... I Have Crazy Brothers

I watched outside the plane window. We were about to land. Everything seemed so tiny and because winter was winning summer in their battle, everything was covered under a thin layer of white thing that I did not like. I was a summer person and snow represented everything I disliked; cold. When the plane touched the runway I sighed. So this was it. I was back home. Funny, I had pictured this very differently. Most importantly I had pictured this to happen on March. I knew my whole family would be waiting for me at the airport so I was mentally preparing myself to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I was really happy to see them, but still I wish I didn't have to, not yet. When everyone else got u to get their stuff from overhead lockers, I decided to stay on my seat. It always irritated me when a plane landed and every single person on the plane wanted to be the first person to get out. So instead of joining them, I stayed put and that way I also didn't have to face Finland just yet. See, I have a theory that if you're in an airplane your not in any country. You're in a neutral no man's land. Of course I couldn't stay there for ever. As I had expected, my whole family was there. Mom, dad, Nooa, Nilkas and Kayley, my grandmas and grandpas. Lot's of hugs and kisses and me and my brothers trying to make our mom stop crying was what usually happened at our airport reunions. This was no exception. My mother was having her "I got my baby back!" moment and we just had to leave as fast as possible to avoid any more weird glares at us. Last time someone, who said he was doctor, had asked whether she needed medical help. I was driving with my brothers and Kayley.

"I know you missed me a lot, but don't you think this is a bit too much. Just break your leg so you could finally see me." Nooa was teasing.

"Ha haa. That's very funny." I said and playfully hit his shoulder.

"Hey kids, knock it off!" Niklas who was driving said in that very authoritative big brother voice.

"Is it too early to ask about him?" Kayley asked and Niklas nearly drove off the road. See my brothers, especially Niklas, were really protective over me. I hadn't told them anything about Sidney, because he actually might have flown across the Atlantic to give Sidney "the talk". ANd luckily Kayley had kept the secret.

"I don't want him to go crazy, so of course I won't tell them anything." She had said on the phone.

"There's a he?" Niklas asked in shock. I noticed how Nooa was also really tensed next to me and demanding me to answer with his stare.

"Thanks Kay!" I laughed. She gave me a fake apologetic smile. I knew that there was no way out of telling my crazy brothers. They literally were crazy. My dad had joked that he didn't have to buy a gun to keep boys away from me since Niklas and Nooa were doing such a great job.

"So Tiny, (they called me that) who's this guy?" Nooa asked.

"Well, he's Canadian." I started carefully.

"He's a lot more than a Canadian." Kayley said and giggled at my discomfort.

"Seriously Kay! Shut up!" She just winked at me over her shoulder.

"Tiny, start talking." Niklas ordered.

"Well he's not a jerk. Isn't that all you want to know? I've heard you going on and on about how I should stay away from jerks. So you should be very pleased." I said.

"Tiny, I don't trust your judgment." Niklas said.

"I know a jerk when I see one." I said offensively. My brothers just burst into laugh.

"Yeah. And Kayley here is going to learn cross country skiing." Niklas said sarcastically.

"Never!" Kayley almost screamed. She had very strong opinions about cross country skiing. According to her she would never ever do it in her entire life, no matter how great exercise it was.

"That's what I thought." Niklas laughed. Then I did what I always did when I was younger and my brothers were teasing me. I pouted my lips and refused to talk to them after I had said "I don't like you!"

"If Tiny won't tell us anything, it's your job to inform us." Niklas said to his wife who was still thinking about cross country skiing.

"What, me? Babe, as much as I enjoy observing you and Nooa doing your big brother thing, I am a woman. And we women have to have each other's back. I'm not even going to tell you that he is someone you guys have been discussing about last summer. "

"Kay!" I sighed.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Nooa asked clearly irritated.

"I'm not telling anything." Kayley said but I could see she was thinking something more to say.

"Did you have good time in Pittsburgh?" She asked innocently. Okay, that was it. They would guess from that.

"Um... yeah." I muttered.

"Did you see him play?" She continued. What ever happened to "we women" speech? Well I guess I would have to tell them sooner or later. I'd rather do it later but Kayley clearly didn't like that idea.

We were in the middle of highway, but that didn't stop Niklas from braking really fast and pulling to the side. I was happy there wasn't a car just behind us or otherwise there would have been an accident.

"I don't think you are allowed to stop here." I said.

"Yeah, babe. If a police sees us here..." Kayley was also getting worried and she was eying the road behind us making sure there were no police cars near.

"Kayley, are you, in your very subtle way, trying to tell me that my sister is involved with some a hockey player?" Niklas asked his wife.

"Niklas, don't get upset. He seems to be a very nice guy." Kayley said and tapped gently his arm. My brothers snorted almost in unison. It was time to open my mouth and say something.

"Guys, he really is. He's good to me. He's sweet and gentle. He would never hurt me. And I'm not being naive like with...Daniel. He really is. I'm finally over Daniel. It's a good thing, right? Didn't you always say that I should be with someone who's worthy of me. He is. And if you'd meet him, you'd agree. I think you would like him, cause he doesn't go easy on me." I noticed how Niklas was looking at me with really weird eyes. I couldn't read his expression. Neither Nooa's.

"Are you in love?" Niklas asked. His voice was both worried and curious.

"It's too early for that." I mumbled selfconsciously.

"Tiny, if he breaks your heart, you know we got your back." Nooa said softly. And with those words they were telling me that it was okay, well maybe okay but almost okay.

"I wonder what would Sidney say if he knew how crazy this dudes are." I guess Kayley thought that it was time to tell them the last part of this secret.

I'm glad that the car was not moving. Niklas would most like have flipped the car around.

Chapter 18. I Think...I Saw This Coming

It was both great and not so great to be back with the girls. It was great because now I was able to witness all the crazy stuff that happened every time Filippa was somewhere. But it also meant being away from Sidney. We talked on the phone everyday but it wasn't enough. Funny that earlier it was more than enough. Now just hearing his voice made me want to drive to airport and buy a ticket to a place where he was playing. Of course I didn't do that. Not being with Sidney wasn't the only not so great thing. I just had to watch when others danced. My whole body wanted to move with them. Unfortunately my knee wasn't any better. I might have gone too far with my exercises because the knee was swollen and I had to use crutches once again. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I would most likely need a surgery. That thought made me irritated and I even snapped at Filippa couple of times and even at Sidney on the phone.

"I'm sorry. I'm just really upset about my knee." I murmured on the phone. He just chuckled.

"It's alright. Is worse than yesterday?"

"Yep. Like hundred times worse. I had to take those really strong painkillers. They make me really tired." I said and yawned.

"Have you seen a doctor?" He asked and I bet he knew that me seeing a doctor would mean surgery.

"Not yet." I sighed.

"You know you have to, sooner or later."

"I know, I know. I'm just waiting for a while if the exercises would work and the ice bags."

"Nets, you have to see a doctor. Otherwise they might have to cut the whole thing off." He said in very serious tone though he was joking.

"Okay, I will! Let's talk about something less depressing. How was your day?"

"We won." He told me though he knew I knew that.

"Old news." I laughed.

"Did you know that Jordan's just calling Filippa?" He asked.

"Oh that's why she's in the lobby." I laughed. "I thought she was hitting on that cute reception guy."

"Cute, huh?" Was he jealous? That thought made me smile.

"Not as cute as you." I laughed.

"That's my girl." He laughed back.

"You know I really like you?"

"I like you too. I think you're my favorite person." He said. I was picturing myself in his arms on his couch. I sighed and he heard it.

"Netta?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" He sounded concerned.

"This is stupid. Not being there with, it's lame."

"I know." He sighed too. "You know what I would do if you were here?" He asked and I could here from his voice that he had that cute flirty smile on his face.

"Tell me." I smiled.

"I would kiss you really hard."

"Oh, dirty talking." I laughed.

"And then I would just keep kissing you." He continued.

"I'd like that."



The next day at the doctor's office I heard what I didn't want to hear. Me injury required a surgery. Shit!

"So?" Victoria asked both hopefully and concerned. She had come to the doctor with me. I just shook me head in frustration.

"Surgery?" She wanted to make sure though everything in me was screaming it.

"Yep." I said and then I used every possible curse word I knew in Finnish, Swedish and English.

"Okay. Nu måste vi ringa till Erik och Mariella." (Now we have to call Erik and Mariella) She said. Erik and Mariella were our producers. They didn't travel with us but stayed in Stockholm. We both knew what that meant. They would order me to fly back home. I was only wasting their money now that I wasn't dancing. Besides the insurance company wouldn't pay my surgery here. Only in Finland. She put her around my shoulders trying to make me feel better.

"Jag måste gå hem." (I have to go home) I sighed. I wish I could cry but since the waiting room was full of people I just swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Come on. Let's get a cap and go back to hotel."

Our ride back to the hotel was quiet. Victoria had promised to make the call and now she was explaining the situation to Erik. I didn't bother to listen to their conversation. I was too caught up on the thought of being on the different continent than Sidney. Wow, this was it. This was what I've been afraid of. This was the reason why I hadn't gone to see the doctor earlier. I had known this all along. But facing the truth was awful. There would be that crazy time difference so we just couldn't call each other so easily. There would be a stupid ocean between us.

Victoria put her phone back to her purse. She looked sad.

"He's getting a ticket for you to Helsinki." She sighed. I knew she wasn't telling me everything. Well she wasn't telling me when I'd be flying. She read me thoughts.

"Tomorrow morning."

Tomorrow.

"Great."



The girls waited for us at hotel. From our expressions they understood what was going on. Victoria told everybody what Erik had said on the phone and when she told that he was getting me a ticket on the morning flight they sighed and Filippa almost burst into tears. People around us were gave us strange looks when the girls gave me a group hug. Gosh, I was going to miss them.

I tried to eat something but I couldn't. I was anxiously waiting for the call I had to make. I had to tell him that I was leaving the country. Leaving the continent, damn it! Losing my appetite wasn't the only thing that was bothering me. Me leg was practically killing me. I think it was more psychosomatic than real pain caused by my injury. When I knew that his ice practice would finally be over I took my cell and pressed his number. He picked up pretty quickly. I didn't even give him a chance to say hello.

"I'm leaving." After saying that I turned on the waterworks.

Chapter 17. I Think...I Already Miss Him

Those three days I spent in Pittsburgh were gone too fast. He had to go on the road and it was time for me to fly to Edmonton where the girls were performing tonight. We were at the airport and he was holding my tightly against him.

"The second you land call me." He said and I nodded.

"I will." I whispered.

We were just staring at each others' eyes and we both understood how our lives at that moment seemed too crazy. If we would have just been two ordinary people, I wouldn't have to get on that plane and he wouldn't have to leave with his team. We could just stay here and be together. Instead we had to be apart. We hadn't talked about this part of our relationship. I guess we didn't even want to talk about it. It was too depressing, after all this "thing" was so fresh and new. I guess we were afraid of the separation. At least I was. I didn't want this . It was awful. But something that I couldn't change.

"I don't want you to go." He said and hugged me almost too hard.

"I don't want to go." I answered and my voice was too shaky for me to control.

Sidney smiled at me. He seemed to find this somehow amusing.

"Just think how you, couple days ago, wanted to leave." He teased me.

"Keep teasing me and I really want to leave." I laughed. Time was moving too fast because I really had to go trough the security check. We kissed goodbye, and I thought how it was only our 5th kiss so far. I really would have wanted more.

As I was walking away I heard him saying:

"I was right about that ass of yours."

I didn't turn back. Just smiled and pretended to be angry. So I lifted my other hand and showed him the rude finger.

"F you Crosby!" As I had said that I heard him chuckle.


On the flight I had time to really think about us. It was still funny to say "us". We weren't just him and me, we were us. What was "us" going to do to somehow handle this long distance relationship. I really wanted that this would develop into something. Something meaningful and lasting. Oh boy, how I already started to miss him. I had only bad experience on long distance relationships. As case Daniel had taught me it was impossible to know what the other one was doing. He might start to feel completely different. Or, in worst case scenario, he might find someone else. That thought gave me shivers. What if he would found someone else? He was not a cheater but what if his feelings for me would slowly fade away and after some time he would find someone who could easily fill my place. Oh crap! I hated this. I hated feeling so insecure. I knew his feelings were genuine and I was sure he was being honest in every way. But time was a bitch. And distance relationship was even a bitchier bitch. Everything could change. I knew it too well. Funny how a guy like Daniel could still affect on my love life though he was no part of it. One thing that was sure was that I was not going to do the same mistake I did with him. I would know if something was wrong. You know there's no fire without smoke. And with Daniel I didn't see the smoke, or to be quite honest, I didn't want to see it though it was suffocating me. This time I would fight for this, not let it fade away. And the first thing I did when we landed was I called him and told him that.

I got a cap and drove to the hotel were rest of the girls were staying. Well by no they would have already left for the tonight's show. I took me suitcase to the room which was already full of Filippa's stuff. The room really didn't look like a hotel room, it was a place which looked like it had been hit by a tornado. I tried to clean it up a bit but I knew better not to go too far since though it looked like a total chaos there actually was some kind of order, and if I would mess that up, Filippa would be pissed. I watched TV because I didn't want to go to watch the show. I tried to stay awake so when the girls would get back I would be prepared. But of course lying there on my bed, I became so sleepy that my eyes just refused to stay open anymore. Couple hours later I woke up when someone jumped on my bed.

"Tell me everything!" Filippa screamed and suddenly the room was filled with girls in very strong make up. Apparently they were in such a hurry that they didn't even have time to wash their faces after the show.

"Wow guys! Just calm down." I laughed.

"We are not going to calm down before you tell us everything! The second the curtains were closed we ran like crazy people to get taxis so we could finally see you!" Oona explained. She was still in her costume.

"Ooh you guys. It's nice to see you too." I smiled. They all looked irritated.

"Shut up already and tell us about you and the future hubby of yours." Victoria said.

"Okay. Um... We are together." I said.

"And..."

"Nothing else. We are together and that's it." They all looked quite disappointed since there was no juicy story.

"I bet you freaked out." Oona said. I was glad Filippa and Victoria got my back because they changed the subject.

"I bet he is a good kisser." Filippa smiled. I blushed.

"That good?" Victoria laughed. And after that they never stopped teasing me about my good kisser boyfriend.

Chapter 16. I Think... It's Time to Be Brave

Theme song: Brave (Jennifer Lopez)



The game went well. They won so no sour face tonight. Someone on the team was having a small party at his house and we were going. I was quite starstruck so I still had no idea where we were going. I saw all his team mates and they came to say hi to me. Seeing all of them (shirtless) got me speechless. I still had no idea what Sidney was talking about, I just sat on the front seat of his car going "OMG!" on my mind.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" Sidney laughed when I finally came back to earth.

"Huh?"

He just laughed. Boy, I love that laugh.

"I was just telling you how all the guys are giving me heart time because of you."

"They are?" I asked surprised. They had behaved really well when I had been there. They were just polite.

"Oh yeah." He kept laughing. "Especially since Jordan told everybody about us. Of course it wasn't really realistic, I mean all the little details he added to spice up the story. But that's all they talk now."

"Oh. What do they talk about us?" I asked smiling and thinking about Jordan's story, which most likely was the same one Filippa had come up with. She called it This century's love story.

"They are just teasing. You know this is pretty rare situation."

"I still can't believe you have never, I mean never ever, been in a relationship." I sighed.

"I've been with girls but never in relationship." He said though I knew all that. We had many deep and meaningful conversations on the phone.

"Yeah."

"Netta?"

"Yeah?"

He shrugged before he said what was on his mind.

"Is this a relationship? I mean, really a relationship. Not just..." He kept his eyes strictly on the road.

This time pushed my growing feeling of fear of being close to someone, away and smiled.

"I don't know, Sid. What do you think?" I asked and glanced at his profile. I saw how he was smiling too.

"I sure do hope this is, and if it's not, then I want to turn it into it." He said. A wave of happiness washed over me.

"Okay." And that's when I knew, just listening my own voice, that I was falling. I was done being afraid, done building a wall around me. He wanted me! He wanted to be with me though he knew I was a crazy person. It was pure insanity but I wanted to take this leap and jump over the edge.

"Okay." He said as sealing the deal. We were slowing down, because he was looking for a spot to park.

"So whose party..."

He burst into laughter.

"Fleury's. You know the goalie..."

"I know him, silly."

"Yeah good." He laughed.

The house was also huge just like Sidney's. And cool cars were parked outside. I guess boys will be boys and have their toys, especially when a boy has enough money for the rest of his life. Sidney rang the doorbell and in a moment young woman with brown hair and big smile came to open the door.

"Hi guys!" She greeted us with a French accent. Sidney gave her a hug and introduced us.

"Vero this Netta and Netta this is Veronique, Fleury's girlfriend."

"Hi! Nice to meet you." I said and we shook hands.

"Please come on in. There's some food and beverages in the kitchen and feel free to make yourselves at home."

I loved their house. You could instantly see that it was not just a house, it was a home. I bet that all the credit belonged to Vero. I hoped that Sidney would also pay more attention to his house so it would not be just a great luxurious house, but a home.

"I love your house. It's really beautiful." I told her as we were following her to the living room.

"Thank you. I love this house too." She smiled.

The living room was packed with Sidney's team mates and their spouses. They looked curious when we stepped in. I became very selfconscious and I felt like hiding behind Sidney and Vero.

"Look who finally showed up!" Jordan said and smiled warmly at me.

"Hi everyone! This is Netta and Netta meet everyone." Sidney said and everyone said or waved hello at me.

Wow, this was awkward. They were all looking at me and trying to figure me out. Max Talbot came to us and other people returned their conversations.

"So Netta, has Sidney been a good boy?" He said and winked. I laughed. We had already met at the arena and he made me relax especially now with his shirt on. He was really funny and easy going guy.

"He has." I said and I heard Sidney chuckle.

"It's great that you guys finally sorted things out. We were little worried about him since he just suddenly disappeared and then Fleury got a message from Montreal. As our captain he needs to be focused, you help him focus, right?" He asked with a teasing smile.

"I'll do my best." I laughed.

"Max, is Claire, no no, Annie... um Sonya here? I mean since your so focused nowadays." Sidney teased back.

"Yes, Crosby, I am focused. And I'm focused on that extremely lovely redhead over there talking to Geno's girlfriend. Her name is Samantha. I met her couple days ago at the airport."

Max waved at the redhead who gave him a sweet smile. She didn't look like the kind of girl that would suit Max's reputation. She was a girl next door very innocent and shy, beautiful though. She was very petite and looked like she didn't belong in this world next to Geno's drop dead gorgeous blond girlfriend. I wondered how others saw me. Was I also outsider in my plain but very comfortable clothes?

"Well good luck bro. I guess it's needless to remind you not to play with her." Sidney said and from the look on his face he was probably thinking why on earth had Max asked her out.

"I'm nothing but a gentleman. Netta, don't believe the rumors. I'm not a player." Max said and that caused Sidney to chuckle some more.

"Yeah. He's not a player." He laughed and shook his head.


The food was divine. Vero had ordered it from a deli in downtown. One thing that surprised me was the fact that there was not much alcohol, it was a party after all. Just couple beers but nothing else. Sidney said that it was because of they had to be in best condition in tomorrow's game. For me it wasn't a big deal though. I never drank myself drunk since I hated being drunk. In high school I had gotten wasted and made a total ass out of myself, and since then I had never been drunk. Besides my hangovers were not worth it. Every time I had been sure that I would die. I was just getting a class of Mountain Dew when Jordan came to me.

"How's Filippa doing?" He asked.

"She's in Vancouver. I think she said something about being full of the Olympics just after two days. And the only thing related to Olympics she's seen are the banners and flags in the streets." I smiled. Jordan laughed.

"She's so funny. I think I have to give her a call sometimes."

"I think she'd like that." I said knowing that there was nothing romantic going between two of them. Filippa had made it very clear by saying that Jordan would be a wonderful husband candidate except he's not a dark stranger, interested in ballroom dancing nor an investment banker. And Filippa's future husband should have at least one of those qualities, preferably all of them. Filippa was one of those people who loved to be surrounded by people and she constantly tried to make new friends. And Jordan was one of those "I need to be his friend" people, as Filippa called everyone who interested her.

"I heard you injured your leg." He said and genuinely looked sorry.

"Yeah. ACL. But it's getting better. I don't need to walk with crutches anymore." I said.

"Well maybe there's something good in that injury too. I mean you came hear, right."

That really stayed on my mind. If I hadn't got injured I would be in Vancouver dancing, which of course would be wonderful, but being here was, I had to admit, even better. I would still be living in that fear of being close to someone. I would not be able to be kissed by Sidney the way he kissed me. I don't know how he did it but he made me feel like I was slowly disappearing from this world when he kissed me. He made me forget everything around me. Sometimes he had to remind me to breathe. I would still be living that pathetic little life on mine if I hadn't got injured.

Sidney was talking with a small group on the other side of the room and I observed him. I couldn't believe this. That man had turned my life around and he really cared about me. I guess he sensed me staring because he turned to my way and smiled. And I smiled back. Once again he made the whole room disappear. It was just us, looking at each other. I wished I could have walked across the room and just kissed him, but I was too shy to do it. But that's exactly what he did. He came to me and pulled me into his arms. Oh, his kiss. It took my breath away and I could barely stand on my feet. Luckily he was holding me so tightly that I didn't even have to. I heard how people were whistling and Vero even sighed "Oh". People were staring at us but I didn't care. I loved this! I loved him kissing me. I loved it that he didn't care that people were looking. I loved... No! It was too early even to think about that!

Chapter 15. I Think...It's Finally Time to Say Goodbye to Danny Boy

Hey!

I'm so happy to have a new follower! Thank you so much for your comment! I'd love to hear from you again. And if anyone has ideas or just comments, I'd be thrilled to read them. But now here's the new chapter:



My doctor had given me instruction how to exercise my injured leg without damaging the knee completely. Quad atrophy, as the doctor called it, might make it difficult for me to gain back the strength to my leg. That's why it was important to do the exercises regularly so the quadriceps muscle wouldn't start to weaken. Sidney was at the practice. His coach wasn't happy about last night's loss so he came up with extra morning practice to get the team back in shape. I was sitting on his bed and doing knee extensions with a phone book. It felt pretty ridiculous, since I was pretty flexible and now having my heel just couple inches above the bed was a huge accomplishment. After that I did 3 other types of exercises that for some reason were very exhausting for a professional dancer who could do really though routines night after night. After I had decided I had exercised enough I got up and for the first time in many days I started walking without crutches. I laughed at myself because it took forever for me to reach the stairs. The knee still hurt but it was normal, and the doctor had said that the best thing was to move it Little pain was ok but the doctor told me to take it easy, not to push too hard. I finally got downstairs in time to see how Sidney just parked his car. Judging by his body language he was in good mood. I was right. When he stepped in he smiled widely.

"Well, hello there." He said and came to give me a kiss. How weird is this! I can just kiss him.

"Hello to yourself. What's going on Mr sunshine?" Before he answered he crabbed me in his arms and carried me to kitchen. He lifted me on the counter.

"Okay. Now that I'm safely here in the kitchen, would you like to tell me why you're so smiley?" I asked sarcastically.

"I'm happy." He simply stated.

He looked genuinely happy, like a little kid on Christmas day.

"I'm happy your happy." I smiled.

"I'm happy that your happy," he mumbled into my ear and kissed my neck the way that I felt shivers go trough my body.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. I love your neck." he whispered. I giggled because his lips were tickling my skin.

"You have to stop! You're tickling me." I laughed and tried to push him away, but his hands tightened around me.


After we had eaten all the Chinese food we ordered we were just relaxing on his couch.

"Tell me everything I don't know about you," Sidney said.

"You don't have that much time. You have to leave in 45 minutes," I laughed.

"Tell me something. I've already told you about my family so now it's your turn."

"What do you want to know?" I asked. He looked like he was thinking really hard.

"I want to know your... favorite movie."

"My favorite movie... Schindler's List."

"Okay. Favorite singer slash band?"

"You know this. Nikka Costa."

"Your favorite food."

"You know this too. Thai food."

"You're first boyfriend?" I gave him a warning look.

"Jonas." I said. I was going to make sure that he had to dig really hard to get any information on this subject.

"Jonas?"

"Yeah Jonas." I smiled.

"So this Jonas dude, is he big. Can I beat him?" I can't believe it, but it seriously looked like he was seriously asking that. I had to tease him!

"I don't know, he is quite big." I giggled inside because he was getting a bit upset.

"But you have your team so that's an advantage, right. They can help you." I couldn't say it with a straight face.

"You're teasing me." He said and smiled.

"Oh yeah! Jonas was my "boyfriend" when we were 9 and only because I told him that if he wouldn't be my boyfriend my brothers would beat him up. So he had to be my boyfriend out of fear."

"Well tell me about your last boyfriend then." This was something I really didn't want to talk about. He was something I didn't want to talk about. It still hurt. But for some reason Sidney's eyes were so convincing that I just had to open my heart to him. I will always remember that moment.

"We met in high school. He was a year older than me. I fell for him hard and really fast. And I guess he did too. It was so ridiculous that even my parents said I couldn't see him anymore. He was like heroin to me. I was a straight "A" student but after I started being with him every second my grades weren't the only thing my parents were worried about. But when he graduated he started his studies in university and he really changed. Suddenly he was welcomed to my house and he even went fishing with my dad. And that's something just anyone won't get to do. Fishing is sacred for my dad. But anyways, I didn't see any faults in him. He was like this creature from heaven. I gave my heart to him and I was stupid enough to think he did the same. He was love of my life. Everything went just fine then. I missed him like crazy when he was away in uni but when he came home on holidays everything was amazing. He was so loving and caring. When I graduated I got a job in a dance school and the producers of Movemental spotted me then. They wanted me to go to Stockholm to audition. And of course I went. When I got back home I got one phone call and one text message. They called from Sweden that I had gotten the job and he texted me that it was time for him to start seeing other people, and that we both new that this high school love affair was just holding us down." I took a deep breath before continuing. I felt my heart once again aching. "I called him of course. He just said that I was a nice girl but nothing more to him. So that's how Daniel broke up with me." I was reliving that phone call in my mind, hearing his indifferent voice and my own sobbing.

"Netta." Sidney whispered. I looked at him and he probably saw the pain in my eyes.

"Yeah?" He took my hands and placed them on his chest then he crabbed my shoulders.

"I will never break your heart." I looked at him and tears started rolling again.

"Thank you. I don't think my heart could take another hit like that."

"Netta, I'm nothing like him. You can always trust me." He was really serious.

"I trust you." I said to him and for the first time I really believed that Daniel hadn't ruined my life completely.

Chapter 14. I Think...Sometimes You Just Need A Girl Talk

After I had calmed down he was thoughtful enough to give me my space. He didn't try to have any more nerve wrecking talks about our feelings for each other or other crap like that. He was back being just the great guy whom I really liked. He was funny and goofy and I really enjoyed my time with him as he was being my personal tour guide. I once had told him that every time I go to a new city I want to visit a modern art museum. I don't particularly like modern art. I just find it so strange that I might just stare at one piece for hours. So of course he took me to a modern art museum, The Mattress Factory. I think Sidney was enjoying himself because he realized how much fun I had. Especially the stroll we took around the downtown got me laughing so hard that people probably thought I was mentally challenged.

"I never knew Pittsburgh was such a nice place." I said to him as we were eating our lunch at a Middle eastern restaurant.

"Everybody says that. Even I did." He said. He had just finished his kebab.

"So you like living here?"

"Yeah. I've grown to love this place. It's my home."

I was glad that people didn't come to talk with him though they obviously knew exactly who he was. When we had arrived at the restaurant every female had sighed and all the guys gave a curious look towards him. I think I would have felt really uncomfortable having teenage fans drooling over him just from couple feet away. Because I know how teen girls when it comes to being an obsessive fan. I had my Backstreet Boys obsession phase but luckily it passed.

"Lucky you. I often feel homeless." I sighed. He lifted his eyebrows.

"Why?" That I liked about him. When he listened he really did. He gave all his attention to you.

"Um. I guess it's pretty normal when you grow up all over the world and live all over the world. I mean I can't really say that Helsinki is my home nor is Sydney. I have this constant need of moving around and somehow the thought of staying in one place for a long time scares me... a lot."

"Do you miss Australia?"

"Yes. I really do. I miss how everything was so relaxed. The sun and the people. Everything basically. In a way it was a total opposite to Finland. And me and my brothers had to adjust. They turned out much better though. They are quite sane actually."

"Go figure." He laughed.

"I know!"

After the lunch we headed back to Sidney's place. He had to take his pregame nap. Which meant that I had couple hours alone time. And that basically meant I spoke the entire time on the phone with Fippa who was, in her own words, going crazy without my weirdness. She demanded to know everything but of course she got told only necessary things, like how lovely his house was and how he had took me to see some really weird modern art.

"See Nets! That's exactly what I meant when I say that we are missing all the weird stuff now that you're gone. I mean you're not here dragging us to see some naked guy having a conversation with some magical green bunny/salmon."

"You still haven't get over Tokyo haven't you?" I laughed.

"That naked guy with his supernatural animal friend comes to my dreams occasionally, thanks to you."

"I know! I had him in my dream couple weeks ago. I forgot to tell you about it."

"I don't want to hear about the naked guy, unless..."

"Don't go there, Fipps!" I warned her. She had a sick imagination and even bigger mouth.

"I was just wondering..." she teased me.

"Well, you can keep wondering. Cause it's not going to happen."

"Uhhuh."

"Seriously. How's Vancouver?" I tried to change the subject.

"Everything's about the Olympics. I'm getting so bored of this conversation and it hasn't even started yet. Can we please go back to your and Mr. C's love affair? Besides Vicky is really giving me hard time since you're not passing enough info to satisfy her. So weirdo, give me something juicy."

"Ok, Fippa, you're really testing my patience. I already told you everything you need to know." I laughed at my friends eagerness to hear some juicy details. She was so funny. You should hear her voice.

"Yes. But you haven't told me what I want to know. So keep on talking."

"What do you want to know?"

"Is he a good kisser? That would be a start."

"We haven't kissed."

"Alright, miss liar."

I rolled my eyes when I heard that she whispered my answer to someone right next to her.

"Fipps, you can tell Vicky that it's the truth." There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. Then I heard how Vicky wanted to have Filippa's cell so she could talk to me. But Filippa, as I figured out, wasn't done talking.

"Netsie baby, here's an evil Swedish woman who's is trying to steal my cell, so forgive me, OUCH! if this doesn't make sense anymore."

I was picturing two of them fighting and it make my giggle.

"Hey girls just in case you haven't killed each others yet, you could turn the speaker on." I swear it didn't take longer that two second for them do it.

"Are you seriously telling me you guys haven't kissed. Honey, we saw how you two look at each other. Please don't tell me you are trying to sabotage this thing?" This time it was Vicky who was talking. She kind of knew my issues with being close to someone.

"I'm not sabotaging anything." I knew that those two girls would immediately hear I was lying. Damn they knew me too well.

"Netta what did you do?" Vicky asked. I could hear from her voice that she was worried.

"Nothing unusual." I sighed.

"Did you push him away?" Filippa asked all serious now.

"What makes you think that?" I asked monotonically.

"The fact that you do that every time." They replied simultaneously.

"I don't." I tried. Even I thought that was quite pathetic. It was like lying about sun being hot.

"We have evidence. Netta, you have to apologize. Don't mess this thing. We won't let you do it. He is too perfect for you. We might have let you do this before but only because those guys, especially that creepy personal trainer, weren't good for you anyways. But we know how Sidney makes you feel. And he is a good guy. He flew to Montreal to see you in a hospital, for crying out lout."

"I know."

"Say you're sorry. And talk to him. Please."

"I think about it." I was not going to promise anything. It was too big a promise. Way too big.



The night's game wasn't really a good game. The Senators won. Disappointed fans slowly left home. I stayed for a while, though we had decided that it would be best if I left right after the game so I didn't have to wait for Sidney. I knew that my taxi was probably waiting for me outside the arena, but for some reason the empty arena was quite mesmerizing. This was his kingdom. Despite of the loss, everyone here believed in him. Must be surreal, I thought. Thousands of people watching your every move and giving you huge pressure but also huge support. I think this place gave him the same kind of high as dancing gave me. Finally I decided to leave. Everyone else were already gone. I knew I had to talk to him. He had said that hard things were usually worth having. This was hard so I prayed that it was also worth having.

I was watching some lame sitcom when he finally came home. He barely said hi. He just sat next to me and stared at the tv.

"This show is garbage." He murmured.

"I know." I replied. He was so upset over the loss. I've never seen him like that before. His eyes weren't full of spark and he didn't come up with some funny stuff he usually did.

We still kept watching it sighing every time the audience started to laugh. I couldn't take it any longer. It was too depressing.

"It wasn't your fault." I began.

"Of course it was. I'm the captain. I should lead my team."

"You did your part." I sighed. I realized it was useless. This post loss depression (as my brother called it) was just something he had to go trough and maybe it was best if I didn't try to to do anything about it. I just might make it worse.

"We have a thing in common." I smiled.

"What?"

"We're bad losers."

"You're a bad loser?" He asked and though his eyes were still full of disappointment I could hear from his voice that he was interested.

"I had to quit tennis because mom and dad refused to buy me new tennis rackets after those 10 I broke because I lost."

He smiled slightly, but the smile faded.

"I'm sorry you had to see that game." He sighed. I squeezed his hand.

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to prove me anything. I've seen pictures of you and the Stanley cup. I know you're an amazing player and leader. One game won't change that."

"Thanks."

I knew this wouldn't be a good moment for me to apologize about my craziness. His mind was still on the game. But somehow I just couldn't stay silent anymore. I had thought about it during the whole game and the time before he came home.

"Sidney, I'm really sorry." I whispered. It took all my courage to say those words.

At first it looked like he didn't even hear what I had said. But after a while he looked confused.

"You're sorry? About what?"

"About how crazy I am." I was trying to find words to continue but it wasn't easy because they somehow were stuck inside me.

"I'm sorry I didn't treat you nicely this morning. I was just so afraid. I still am, but I don't want you to think it has anything to to with you. And you were right. I was injured pretty badly by a guy. And it's still affecting on me. I'm over him but not over all the things he created because of his selfishness. And I feel awful because I treated you really badly though you've only been good to me." I was out of breath. I've never exposed myself like that. I warily looked into his eyes. I couldn't read his expression. Maybe he was angry at me talking about this now when he was so upset already. That made me feel restless.

"Anyway, I hope you'll forgive me."

He kept looking at me. And for my huge relief his eyes were gentle.

"You're forgiven." He whispered and he gently kissed my lips. I'd never been kissed like that. It was like he consider me to be so valuable yet fragile that he had to gentle not to brake me.