Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Chapter 30. I Think... he is always on my mind

"Daniel, this is Fippa. Fippa, Daniel." I introduced and hoped that Daniel wouldn't notice how discussed Filippa was.

"Nice to meet you, Fippa." Daniel smiled his brilliant smile. That smile would make a grown woman giggle. But Filippa was immune to him. She just nodded.

"I've heard a lot about you." Filippa said. 

Oh no. This was not going well.

The whole afternoon was a disaster. My brothers barely said a word. Kayley was "busy" answering every single phone call. "I'm so sorry. It's work. I got to take this." She said and walked out of the room.
Filippa, on the other hand, was making an effort. An effort to make Daniel feel like an ass. 

But Daniel. He was brilliant. He was friendly. He constantly tried to make a conversation. And when he didn't success, it didn't bother him. He smiled. I smiled and giggled. I tried to make them like him. I laughed at every single joke he told. I nodded and sighed. 

"Well, this was nice. I hope you'll have a great time in Finland, Filippa. Netta, I'll call you. Bye!"

He left. 

"Finally!" Nooa shouted.

"Nooa!" I hissed. "That's rude and you're so mean."

"If I have to hear your fake laugh one more time, I'm going to kill myself." he continued.

"It was not fake, you jerk! You were all very rude!" I nearly cried. I hated them all so much. 

Niklas hugged me when he noticed how upset I was. I tried to push the jerk away, but my bear-like brother didn't move an inch.

"I'm sorry, Tiny. We weren't nice." He whispered. I sighed and stopped pushing him away. But then he continued: "But it was really annoying. You were trying too hard. And right now it's impossible for us to like him."

"Right." I said icily. "And why is that? He makes me happy. He literally saved me. You all saw how I was couple months ago. Then he showed up and look at me now!"

"Netsie, we know you. You don't have to do this." Kayley said. Suddenly she didn't have to answer any of her calls. 

"So you all want me to crawl back to my bed? You want me to seriously think about jumping in front of a car? He has made it better!" 

Filippa was very silent. She just looked at me with an expression I couldn't read.

"What?" I screamed. 

"You thought about jumping in front of a car?" she asked silently.


Suddenly the whole room was quiet. Kayley was holding tears back. My brothers didn't know what to do. And Filippa, my dear Filippa... slapped me on my cheek.

"How dare you!" she shouted. I've never seen her so angry.

"You hit me." I whispered and held my cheek.

"Of course I hit you if you tell me that you thought about killing yourself!"

Kayley couldn't hold the tears back anymore. She started sobbing. Niklas and Nooa were still as statues. 

"Netta. I'm going to tell you this only once. You DO NOT even think about that. You WILL NOT ruin  other people's lives just because you are bad in relationships... NO! Don't interrupt me! You stop thinking only about yourself! Stop being a selfish bitch! Your family, your friends need you and love you. So take your head out of your ass and start to live your life!" No she was crying too.

Several months later 

"Hey"! I said.

"Hey to yourself." Daniel answered and gave my cheek a kiss. 

We met at the hospital cafeteria. He wore his white jacket. 

"How are you?" he asked and gave a coffee mug.

"Um... I'm good." 

He looked so friendly. His light brown hair and tender blue eyes reminded me of high school. Oh Daniel. How different our lives could be.

"And you? How are you?" I asked.

"I'm glad you wanted to see me."

"Yeah... I think I needed to explain."

He nodded. He patiently waited me to continue. 

"Well... when you met my brothers, Kay and Fippa... I'm so sorry. They were awful! I hope they didn't upset you."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I kinda deserved it." He gently took my hand. I smiled. He was too good to be real.

"I guess so." I sighed. It felt so good that Daniel admitted that he had acted wrong. 

"Netta, I'm so happy that... that you are giving me another chance." He lifted my hand and kissed it. 

"I don't think I had any other choice. I never really got over you. Even with him, you were always on my mind." From the corner of my eye I saw cafeteria TV. The Olympics broadcast.


Thursday, September 19, 2013

Chapter 29. I think...I have changed

Hey you! I'd love to read your comments. Are you still reading this blog? Do you want more? What do you expect to happen next? Anything that's on your mind...

And by the way, you can find my two other stories on the sidebar. A thing called sweet revenge (Jonathan Toews) and Last Name (Tyler Seguin)

 But now...

1 year after the supermarket incident

"Netta!" Fillippa screamed with excitement. She ran into my arms. I squeezed her tightly. 

"I missed you," I said. I took a step back and saw her new hair. I touched it and laughed.

"Did you pay for this?" Her hair looked crazy. 

"Hey! Leave my hair alone. I love it! It's amazing." She looked a bit upset.

"It's amazingly red," I said. 

"Exactly what I wanted. Rihanna was my inspiration. And no, I did not pay for it. I did it myself."

I nodded and grapped her hand. She followed me pulling her suitcase. As we stepped out of the arrival terminal I noticed how Filippa was giving me curious looks.


"You look good. I guess you started to eat again." She said.


I was glad she came to visit me. I hadn't seen her for over a year. Skype is great but nothing beats reality. 

"So, do you have plans for our weekend?" She asked as I drove my dad's car out of the airport parking garage. 

"I want you to meet someone." I said nervously. 


"Um... a guy. I've invited him for a dinner tonight. My parent's are in Berlin this weekend and we can stay at their house. There's more room. So I invited this guy, because I want you to meet him. My brothers and Kay are coming too." I was talking really fast.

"Right... a guy? Wow," she didn't sound excited.

"Yeah... I think you'll like him. He's a doctor."

"Just to be clear, are you trying to fix me up with someone or..."

"Oh no! I want you to meet him because... I... We... I like him. He's an old friend. We haven't been in touch for couple years..."

She looked shocked.

"Nets, what are you doing?"

I was confused. 


"Don't tell me.... PLEASE don't tell me this "old friend" is... No! I don't even want to say his name aloud. You must mean someone else."

I sighed. This is why I was nervous. I knew I had to explain this. Explain him. Filippa knew too much about him.

"Please, try to have an open mind." I pleaded.

"Are you serious? The guy who fucked your life up. This makes me sick."

"Fippa, he's changed. I'm changed." I said silently.

"No, you haven't changed. You're still, after all these years, blind and stupid."


"Seriously, you don't learn anything. You get burned and after couple months you burn yourself again. This is ridiculous. Why him? Why on earth Daniel!?"

Because Daniel has changed. Because I have changed.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Chapter 28. I think... I smell like a homeless person

He tried to call me. I didn't answer. He tried again. I didn't answer. He texted me. I deleted his messages without reading them. After 3 weeks he stopped. I was relieved. 

I'm not going to lie to you: I was a mess. I didn't want to leave my bed. And when someone opened my bedroom door, I just tuned my back. I wanted to be alone. I needed the world around me to stop existing. I needed this unbearable aching in my chest to stop. But most of all I needed the memory of his face, touch, voice, smell, laugh... to be erased from my head. 

1 month later

I opened my eyes. It was too early to wake up, so it was a perfect time, in my mind, to wake up. I smelled bad. I needed a shower. I tiptoed to bathroom and stood under the hot water nearly an hour. It was time for me to crawl out of my pity hole. It was time to step back into the world. And I couldn't do it if I smelled like a homeless person. I washed my hair 4 times to make sure it was clean. As I turned the water off, I heard a silent nock on the door.

"Netta, honey? Are you alright." my mom whispered. I guess I had woken her up.

"Yep. I just needed a shover." I answered giggling for some reason. 

"Ok. It's three a clock. You do know that.." she continued sounding extremely confused.


"Ok. Well, I'm going back to bed." 

I took my towel and wrapped it around me. Then I stood in front of the mirror. I looked awful. I was pale, though I had been in a hot shower. My eyes looked tired and my whole posture was tired. I looked 5 inches smaller than before. 

"Well, you sexy beast. Today you need to man up." I said. 

I sat in my parents' living room thinking what my whole "man up" thing really meant. It was 5 AM so I was in no hurry. 

"A plan. I need a plan." I said out loud. Two hours later my parents came downstairs. They were curious and worried. 

"You don't have to worry, guys. I have a plan. Today my life will go back to normal."

10 hours later

The plan failed. I was in a supermarket where I saw a NHL magazine. He was on the cover. 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Chapter 27. I Think...I have to get out

Out of the corner of my eye I saw it happen. At first I thought it was nothing. Sidney was standing near the staircase that led to Restaurant's roof terrace. He was leaning against the wall and was having a conversation with a beautiful woman. They talked. Nothing special. But still I was feeling restless. Not jealous but restless. But then something happened. The woman leaned against him, whispered something into his ear. For a while they didn't speak. I could only Sidney's back but the women's expression was very tender and she looked at Sidney with a small smile. Then she gently touched his arm, then his cheek. I was getting dizzy. The last thing I saw was his hand on her shoulder and her  lips kissing his cheek. 

I have to get out. 

The taxi was waited me as I tried to find my passport and pack my stuff. I was in a hurry. I didn't want Sidney to to realize that I had left the party and was at his house trying to get my stuff so I could leave. Leave for good. I kept looking out of the window hoping not to see his car. He didn't come. I ran outside ignoring my injury. 

"To the airport."

The driver just nodded. He had noticed the tears and my panic, but he knew better not to ask anything.  I watched as the house disappeared from my sight. 

"Goodbye," I whispered and closed my eyes.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Chapter 26. I Think about will power

Hey gals! It's been a long long long time, but I'm back and story of Netta and Sidney will continue.

For some reason, he didn't turn me into a mad woman anymore. It was like a line had been crossed. I really knew he loved me and I actually wasn't afraid of it. Everything was so comfortable now. I guess he had fixed me. It's amazing what love can do.

"I love you." He whispered into my ear, and with a curious look as he tried to read my reaction.

"I'm not freaking out." I laughed.


We had this conversation several times the following day. And every time he told me that he loved me, I started to believe that God had created him because of me.

"Nets! Come on! We're already late." I could hear him yelling downstairs. I quickly added just a bit more lipstick.

"Well that's not my fault." I laughed.

We had been, well lets just say that we were doing what people who are madly in love do.

"Netta. I'm leaving in two minutes, with or without you." He chuckled.

I was finally ready. We were going to one of Sidney's friends engagement party. And because it was not just a beer night with guys but an upscale event, I had done my best to look good, since I knew he would look amazing in his tux. I stepped out of the bathroom making sure that I had my scarf and handbag with me. I was half way down the staircase when Sidney turned to me. He looked at me without saying a word.

"Do I look alright?" I asked selfconciously.

"Yeah you look alright, silly. You look wonderful."

"Thank you."

He took my hand and helped me down, because my leg still wasn't perfectly healed.

"I think I'll be having hard time tonight keeping all the single guys away from you."

"I know." I laughed.

The party was held in a downtown restaurant. I didn't know any of the guests, because none of Sidney's teammates were there. It was a bit overwhelming to meet so many new people. After Sidney had introduced me to at least 40 people, I excused myself and went to the ladies' room. I was still inside a stall as I hear two girls speaking, unaware of my presence. 

"Did you see her?" The girl, with low sexy voice, asked. She was trying to sound indifferent.

"Yeah. I wasn't expecting it at all." The other one said and continued: "I mean, I thought he would be a bit more discreet than this... To bring her here. I wonder what Anne thinks. She must be devastated. What an asshole!" 

I tried to be quiet because I realized they were talking about me, Sidney and Anne. The girl whose Daniel Sidney was. The last thing I wanted was to face this two gossipers.

"I know. I really don't get it, though. Why would anyone bring their new "girlfriend" (though I couldn't see, I knew she did the quotation marks with her fingers) to their ex's brother engagement party?"

What! Seriously? Sidney had never mentioned that the couple was somehow related to the famous Anne. I was getting upset. He should have told me.  The girls left. I took a deep breath. How embarrassing! I opened the stall door and stepped out. It took ten minutes for me to gain enough courage to leave the ladies' room. I tried to forgot the conversation I had just eavesdropped. 

I tried to concentrate on getting to know Sidney's friends. I smiled and laughed. But the truth is, I was  upset and I had to use all my will power not to let it show. 

But then something happened. It changed everything.