It was both great and not so great to be back with the girls. It was great because now I was able to witness all the crazy stuff that happened every time Filippa was somewhere. But it also meant being away from Sidney. We talked on the phone everyday but it wasn't enough. Funny that earlier it was more than enough. Now just hearing his voice made me want to drive to airport and buy a ticket to a place where he was playing. Of course I didn't do that. Not being with Sidney wasn't the only not so great thing. I just had to watch when others danced. My whole body wanted to move with them. Unfortunately my knee wasn't any better. I might have gone too far with my exercises because the knee was swollen and I had to use crutches once again. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I would most likely need a surgery. That thought made me irritated and I even snapped at Filippa couple of times and even at Sidney on the phone.
"I'm sorry. I'm just really upset about my knee." I murmured on the phone. He just chuckled.
"It's alright. Is worse than yesterday?"
"Yep. Like hundred times worse. I had to take those really strong painkillers. They make me really tired." I said and yawned.
"Have you seen a doctor?" He asked and I bet he knew that me seeing a doctor would mean surgery.
"Not yet." I sighed.
"You know you have to, sooner or later."
"I know, I know. I'm just waiting for a while if the exercises would work and the ice bags."
"Nets, you have to see a doctor. Otherwise they might have to cut the whole thing off." He said in very serious tone though he was joking.
"Okay, I will! Let's talk about something less depressing. How was your day?"
"We won." He told me though he knew I knew that.
"Old news." I laughed.
"Did you know that Jordan's just calling Filippa?" He asked.
"Oh that's why she's in the lobby." I laughed. "I thought she was hitting on that cute reception guy."
"Cute, huh?" Was he jealous? That thought made me smile.
"Not as cute as you." I laughed.
"That's my girl." He laughed back.
"You know I really like you?"
"I like you too. I think you're my favorite person." He said. I was picturing myself in his arms on his couch. I sighed and he heard it.
"Netta?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?" He sounded concerned.
"This is stupid. Not being there with, it's lame."
"I know." He sighed too. "You know what I would do if you were here?" He asked and I could here from his voice that he had that cute flirty smile on his face.
"Tell me." I smiled.
"I would kiss you really hard."
"Oh, dirty talking." I laughed.
"And then I would just keep kissing you." He continued.
"I'd like that."
The next day at the doctor's office I heard what I didn't want to hear. Me injury required a surgery. Shit!
"So?" Victoria asked both hopefully and concerned. She had come to the doctor with me. I just shook me head in frustration.
"Surgery?" She wanted to make sure though everything in me was screaming it.
"Yep." I said and then I used every possible curse word I knew in Finnish, Swedish and English.
"Okay. Nu måste vi ringa till Erik och Mariella." (Now we have to call Erik and Mariella) She said. Erik and Mariella were our producers. They didn't travel with us but stayed in Stockholm. We both knew what that meant. They would order me to fly back home. I was only wasting their money now that I wasn't dancing. Besides the insurance company wouldn't pay my surgery here. Only in Finland. She put her around my shoulders trying to make me feel better.
"Jag måste gå hem." (I have to go home) I sighed. I wish I could cry but since the waiting room was full of people I just swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Come on. Let's get a cap and go back to hotel."
Our ride back to the hotel was quiet. Victoria had promised to make the call and now she was explaining the situation to Erik. I didn't bother to listen to their conversation. I was too caught up on the thought of being on the different continent than Sidney. Wow, this was it. This was what I've been afraid of. This was the reason why I hadn't gone to see the doctor earlier. I had known this all along. But facing the truth was awful. There would be that crazy time difference so we just couldn't call each other so easily. There would be a stupid ocean between us.
Victoria put her phone back to her purse. She looked sad.
"He's getting a ticket for you to Helsinki." She sighed. I knew she wasn't telling me everything. Well she wasn't telling me when I'd be flying. She read me thoughts.
"Tomorrow morning."
Tomorrow.
"Great."
The girls waited for us at hotel. From our expressions they understood what was going on. Victoria told everybody what Erik had said on the phone and when she told that he was getting me a ticket on the morning flight they sighed and Filippa almost burst into tears. People around us were gave us strange looks when the girls gave me a group hug. Gosh, I was going to miss them.
I tried to eat something but I couldn't. I was anxiously waiting for the call I had to make. I had to tell him that I was leaving the country. Leaving the continent, damn it! Losing my appetite wasn't the only thing that was bothering me. Me leg was practically killing me. I think it was more psychosomatic than real pain caused by my injury. When I knew that his ice practice would finally be over I took my cell and pressed his number. He picked up pretty quickly. I didn't even give him a chance to say hello.
"I'm leaving." After saying that I turned on the waterworks.
No comments:
Post a Comment