For hours we just sat there, on his couch and talking. He occasionally rubbed my healthy knee which caused electrical shocks all over my body. I don't know why but for some reason I didn't want him to see my reactions or give anything away. I just wanted him to think that I considered him as a friend. And he didn't not have this crazy power over me. To be honest it scared me. I'm a person who needs to be in control. When I was with him I lost the control over myself. I think this thing with him was really a paradox because I he made me want more but at the same time I didn't want to let go.
"When did you start to dance?" he asked.
"Um... I don't know. I've danced as long as I can remember. But I was five when mom took me to ballet lessons and it kinda went from there."
"Do you ever feel like you'd like to do something else?" his voice was intense and I got the feeling he had thought about that question himself.
"Yeah sure. Sometimes. I'd love to teach. But when I think about it really hard I just feel so blessed because I can live my dream. The feeling I get when the song starts and your heartbeat raises because you know people are looking at you, your every move... I think it's much more powerful than any drug."
"Teacher? Really?" he looked surprised.
"Yes. Why are you so surprised?"
"I don't know. You just don't come across like a teacherish."
"Teacherish." I laughed. "What do you think I should do if I wasn't a dancer?"
"Let me think. Modeling." I playfully kicked his stomach.
"Be serious!" I laughed.
"Okay. You could totally do it, though. But a serious job... (he did the quotation marks with his hands) You could be a nurse."
"I hate blood. And pain."
"So not a nurse. What about a hot flight attendant?"
"Thank goodness you weren't my guidance counselor in high school. I just might be a hot modeling flight attendant." I smiled. "What about you? Are you ever tired of being a hockey god?"
His smile slowly faded and his eyes suddenly looked tired. For a moment I thought he had forgotten my existence.
.
"I sometimes dream about being just a guy from Cole Harbor." He sighed.
"Why?"
"Well, I love hockey, don't get me wrong, but everything that comes with it... it's exhausting."
"But is it worth it?" I asked.
"Not always." I was bit shocked because of his answer.
"I'm sorry." I whispered and squeezed his hand on my knee. He smiled at me.
"But I wouldn't change anything. It's hard, but I guess everything worth having is."
"Yeah."
Suddenly he jumped off the couch and pulled me with him. He started pulling me towards the stairs.
"I need to show you something." He whispered when he practically carried me upstairs. I noticed that he was really excited. He took me trough the upstairs' hallway to big class door which apparently led to balcony.
"DO you remember last week when I called you?" He had called me everyday so I was confused what he was talking about.
"You were on the hotel balcony and you said I should see the stars. That night I decided that if you'd ever come to Pittsburgh we should sit on my balcony and just look at the stars."
He opened the door and we stepped out.
"Wow." I sighed when he pointed at the full moon.
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