You might think that that night would have ended in very romantic chic flick kind of way. Epic kiss and stuff. But no. He just showed me the guest room. And we said good night. That was my over the top romantic night. It was impossible to sleep, though his guest bed was amazing. It was like sleeping on a cloud. He was on my mind. His eyes mainly. The way they looked at me like they were seeing trough me. The thought gave me shivers. I was terrified to be honest. I had never ever met anyone who had the same abilities as he had. At 3 AM I had to get up. I just needed to get out of that bed and walk and get him out of my system. I tip toed because I didn't want him to wake up. I went to his kitchen to get some water. When I was leaning against the counter I realized I had to get away from him. He was too much. Way too much. I would only get hurt. But I also realized that it was 3 AM and there was really no way to leave now. I didn't now the city and would be just pure insanity to go outside at this hour. And besides where could I go? I knew nobody except him. I sighed in frustration. Then a thought came to mind. A thought which I quickly tried to forget. But it still kept coming back over and over again. Maybe I'm a coward.
"I'm not." I said out loud.
I was pissed off. This inner dialog was so annoying. I was not a coward. I just don't trust my heart. It took a long time to gather its pieces couple years ago so it still might not work properly. I was not going to do it again. I had decided it more than ten times when I had been crying my eyes out because of "the love of my life". Love was overrated. It only made you lonely and left you in agony. So love was a big no no. But I liked Sidney. He was a great guy and I needed him to be my friend.
"We'll be friends." I whispered and I already felt so much better. Relieved.
Next morning I woke up feeling so tired. My night time inner dialog had stolen my precious sleeping time. I tried to cover the black circles around my eyes but I didn't success because when Sidney saw me he looked worried.
"Are you alright?"
"Oh yeah sure." I put my perfect show smile on. He just rolled his eyes.
"Well, sunshine, eat your breakfast."
He had set the table and there were at least 5 type of cereals and yogurts.
"Did you have all these even you were away? I mean this milk is ok, right?" I was skeptic.
"I have someone who takes care of my house when I'm away and she also buys groceries for me."
"Oh. I forgot that you have enough money to hire a nanny. Does she also change your diapers?" I teased him.
"Just eat your toast and shut up." He laughed.
This wasn't hard. Despite couple intimidating looks he gave me, everything was really great. Just two friends hanging and eating breakfast.
"So Crosby, what are we doing today?" I asked genuinely excited.
"I had couple things on my mind." he said and smiled mysteriously. Oh no. He gave me one of his looks. I tried to concentrate on my toast. Suddenly he was really serious.
"Netta, I think we need to talk." I looked at him. Please no more talks.
"Last night." He continued.
"Yeah, about that. Everything is fine." I tried to assure him.
He chuckled.
"Somehow it's hard to believe because you're looking like that."
"Like what?"
"Like a panda."
"I'm seriously fine. Everything's just fine. Great. Wonderful. Awesome even. Are you satisfied or do I have to come up with more adjectives?"
"You know what, you're most likely the worst lier I've ever met." he said and somehow managed to move my chair the way that he was able to kneel in front of me.
"Sidney. Please don't make a big deal out of this. I really like you to be my friend and I'm..."
"You want me to be your friend?" He looked puzzled and maybe disappointed. For a second we were completely silent and just stared at each other. Then happened something I would never had expected. He got mad.
"Ok Nets.Just tell me how do you think that's gonna happen, huh? You keep sending me signals and then you just do that! I don't want to be your friend."
"You don't?" I felt a huge lump in my throat.
"You're not listening. Being friends isn't enough."
I felt how tears started to roll down my cheeks. I tried to stand up, but Sidney instantly pulled me down. He tried to calm down but his voice was still pretty tense.
"Netta, what you're doing is ridiculous. We both no it. Please look at me."
"I can't."
"Ok, but you have to admit that there is something going on between us. And don't you dare to call me your friend. Because I can't be that."
"Why?" I felt horrible. I was mentally packing my bags so I could storm out as fast as possible when this torture was over.
"Because." He was so intense that it scared me. And I couldn't get away because I was trapped on my chair because he was making sure I could not get up.
"Do you always run away?" He asked and now his voice had normal gentle tone back which he had when he spoke to me.
"I don't run away." I said avoiding his eyes. He was right. When things get hard I run. Like a scared dog with its tail between legs. I'm not good with situations.
"Tell me about him." He said quietly.
"About who?" I was confused.
"About the guy who broke your hart."
"What?"
"You act like you have made somekind of a deal with yourself never to let anyone close to you. SO who did this to you."
Now it was my time to get angry. This was none of his business. How dared he speak to me like that.
"It's not your business." I heard myself scream. "You better let me go now. And do me a favor, call some airline. I need a ticket."
"Calm down." He said and the way he said it pissed me off. It was like he was talking to a child.
"I'm not going to calm down. You crossed a line. It is not your business. And even if it was true, I don't need a shrink. And if I needed one it certainly would not be you!" The more upset I got more calmer he looked. That jerk!
"If your not going to calm down soon I think that vein on your forehead is going to explode." He tried to be funny.
"I don't want to be near you! You do this thing to me. I'm not me when I'm with you! So let me get up. Right now!"
"And you want to be friends? When I have this "power" over you." He looked like he had won which made me so angry that I almost slapped him.
"You bastard. You're enjoying yourself." I hissed under my breath.
"Honey, calm down." He said and gently touched my cheek. I immediately pushed his hand away.
"I'm not your honey." I whispered.
For some reason I was really exhausted. This was so overwhelming. I hated conflicts. And especially this one felt awful. Maybe because he didn't do what people normally let me do. He didn't let me run. He made me face this thing though it was the last thing I wanted.
"I don't want to yell anymore." I whispered.
"Good." He smiled.
"But don't think it's because you're right. I'm just too tired to do it. I'm tired of this." I was too tired even to stop him from pulling me from the chair and hugging me so tightly that it was hard to breath.
"If I ever meet that guy, I'm going to beat the grab out of him."
"I'd like that." I whispered.
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