Chapter 14. I Think...Sometimes You Just Need A Girl Talk

After I had calmed down he was thoughtful enough to give me my space. He didn't try to have any more nerve wrecking talks about our feelings for each other or other crap like that. He was back being just the great guy whom I really liked. He was funny and goofy and I really enjoyed my time with him as he was being my personal tour guide. I once had told him that every time I go to a new city I want to visit a modern art museum. I don't particularly like modern art. I just find it so strange that I might just stare at one piece for hours. So of course he took me to a modern art museum, The Mattress Factory. I think Sidney was enjoying himself because he realized how much fun I had. Especially the stroll we took around the downtown got me laughing so hard that people probably thought I was mentally challenged.

"I never knew Pittsburgh was such a nice place." I said to him as we were eating our lunch at a Middle eastern restaurant.

"Everybody says that. Even I did." He said. He had just finished his kebab.

"So you like living here?"

"Yeah. I've grown to love this place. It's my home."

I was glad that people didn't come to talk with him though they obviously knew exactly who he was. When we had arrived at the restaurant every female had sighed and all the guys gave a curious look towards him. I think I would have felt really uncomfortable having teenage fans drooling over him just from couple feet away. Because I know how teen girls when it comes to being an obsessive fan. I had my Backstreet Boys obsession phase but luckily it passed.

"Lucky you. I often feel homeless." I sighed. He lifted his eyebrows.

"Why?" That I liked about him. When he listened he really did. He gave all his attention to you.

"Um. I guess it's pretty normal when you grow up all over the world and live all over the world. I mean I can't really say that Helsinki is my home nor is Sydney. I have this constant need of moving around and somehow the thought of staying in one place for a long time scares me... a lot."

"Do you miss Australia?"

"Yes. I really do. I miss how everything was so relaxed. The sun and the people. Everything basically. In a way it was a total opposite to Finland. And me and my brothers had to adjust. They turned out much better though. They are quite sane actually."

"Go figure." He laughed.

"I know!"

After the lunch we headed back to Sidney's place. He had to take his pregame nap. Which meant that I had couple hours alone time. And that basically meant I spoke the entire time on the phone with Fippa who was, in her own words, going crazy without my weirdness. She demanded to know everything but of course she got told only necessary things, like how lovely his house was and how he had took me to see some really weird modern art.

"See Nets! That's exactly what I meant when I say that we are missing all the weird stuff now that you're gone. I mean you're not here dragging us to see some naked guy having a conversation with some magical green bunny/salmon."

"You still haven't get over Tokyo haven't you?" I laughed.

"That naked guy with his supernatural animal friend comes to my dreams occasionally, thanks to you."

"I know! I had him in my dream couple weeks ago. I forgot to tell you about it."

"I don't want to hear about the naked guy, unless..."

"Don't go there, Fipps!" I warned her. She had a sick imagination and even bigger mouth.

"I was just wondering..." she teased me.

"Well, you can keep wondering. Cause it's not going to happen."

"Uhhuh."

"Seriously. How's Vancouver?" I tried to change the subject.

"Everything's about the Olympics. I'm getting so bored of this conversation and it hasn't even started yet. Can we please go back to your and Mr. C's love affair? Besides Vicky is really giving me hard time since you're not passing enough info to satisfy her. So weirdo, give me something juicy."

"Ok, Fippa, you're really testing my patience. I already told you everything you need to know." I laughed at my friends eagerness to hear some juicy details. She was so funny. You should hear her voice.

"Yes. But you haven't told me what I want to know. So keep on talking."

"What do you want to know?"

"Is he a good kisser? That would be a start."

"We haven't kissed."

"Alright, miss liar."

I rolled my eyes when I heard that she whispered my answer to someone right next to her.

"Fipps, you can tell Vicky that it's the truth." There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. Then I heard how Vicky wanted to have Filippa's cell so she could talk to me. But Filippa, as I figured out, wasn't done talking.

"Netsie baby, here's an evil Swedish woman who's is trying to steal my cell, so forgive me, OUCH! if this doesn't make sense anymore."

I was picturing two of them fighting and it make my giggle.

"Hey girls just in case you haven't killed each others yet, you could turn the speaker on." I swear it didn't take longer that two second for them do it.

"Are you seriously telling me you guys haven't kissed. Honey, we saw how you two look at each other. Please don't tell me you are trying to sabotage this thing?" This time it was Vicky who was talking. She kind of knew my issues with being close to someone.

"I'm not sabotaging anything." I knew that those two girls would immediately hear I was lying. Damn they knew me too well.

"Netta what did you do?" Vicky asked. I could hear from her voice that she was worried.

"Nothing unusual." I sighed.

"Did you push him away?" Filippa asked all serious now.

"What makes you think that?" I asked monotonically.

"The fact that you do that every time." They replied simultaneously.

"I don't." I tried. Even I thought that was quite pathetic. It was like lying about sun being hot.

"We have evidence. Netta, you have to apologize. Don't mess this thing. We won't let you do it. He is too perfect for you. We might have let you do this before but only because those guys, especially that creepy personal trainer, weren't good for you anyways. But we know how Sidney makes you feel. And he is a good guy. He flew to Montreal to see you in a hospital, for crying out lout."

"I know."

"Say you're sorry. And talk to him. Please."

"I think about it." I was not going to promise anything. It was too big a promise. Way too big.



The night's game wasn't really a good game. The Senators won. Disappointed fans slowly left home. I stayed for a while, though we had decided that it would be best if I left right after the game so I didn't have to wait for Sidney. I knew that my taxi was probably waiting for me outside the arena, but for some reason the empty arena was quite mesmerizing. This was his kingdom. Despite of the loss, everyone here believed in him. Must be surreal, I thought. Thousands of people watching your every move and giving you huge pressure but also huge support. I think this place gave him the same kind of high as dancing gave me. Finally I decided to leave. Everyone else were already gone. I knew I had to talk to him. He had said that hard things were usually worth having. This was hard so I prayed that it was also worth having.

I was watching some lame sitcom when he finally came home. He barely said hi. He just sat next to me and stared at the tv.

"This show is garbage." He murmured.

"I know." I replied. He was so upset over the loss. I've never seen him like that before. His eyes weren't full of spark and he didn't come up with some funny stuff he usually did.

We still kept watching it sighing every time the audience started to laugh. I couldn't take it any longer. It was too depressing.

"It wasn't your fault." I began.

"Of course it was. I'm the captain. I should lead my team."

"You did your part." I sighed. I realized it was useless. This post loss depression (as my brother called it) was just something he had to go trough and maybe it was best if I didn't try to to do anything about it. I just might make it worse.

"We have a thing in common." I smiled.

"What?"

"We're bad losers."

"You're a bad loser?" He asked and though his eyes were still full of disappointment I could hear from his voice that he was interested.

"I had to quit tennis because mom and dad refused to buy me new tennis rackets after those 10 I broke because I lost."

He smiled slightly, but the smile faded.

"I'm sorry you had to see that game." He sighed. I squeezed his hand.

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to prove me anything. I've seen pictures of you and the Stanley cup. I know you're an amazing player and leader. One game won't change that."

"Thanks."

I knew this wouldn't be a good moment for me to apologize about my craziness. His mind was still on the game. But somehow I just couldn't stay silent anymore. I had thought about it during the whole game and the time before he came home.

"Sidney, I'm really sorry." I whispered. It took all my courage to say those words.

At first it looked like he didn't even hear what I had said. But after a while he looked confused.

"You're sorry? About what?"

"About how crazy I am." I was trying to find words to continue but it wasn't easy because they somehow were stuck inside me.

"I'm sorry I didn't treat you nicely this morning. I was just so afraid. I still am, but I don't want you to think it has anything to to with you. And you were right. I was injured pretty badly by a guy. And it's still affecting on me. I'm over him but not over all the things he created because of his selfishness. And I feel awful because I treated you really badly though you've only been good to me." I was out of breath. I've never exposed myself like that. I warily looked into his eyes. I couldn't read his expression. Maybe he was angry at me talking about this now when he was so upset already. That made me feel restless.

"Anyway, I hope you'll forgive me."

He kept looking at me. And for my huge relief his eyes were gentle.

"You're forgiven." He whispered and he gently kissed my lips. I'd never been kissed like that. It was like he consider me to be so valuable yet fragile that he had to gentle not to brake me.