Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Chapter 12. I Think...I Want to Win This Battle

I could literally hear Frank Sinatra singing Fly me to the moon. The night was so beautiful that it almost took my breath away.

"Sid, this is so crazy." I whispered afraid that all the stars would magically disappear if I spoke loudly. He nodded and took my hand and pulled me with him. We leaned against the balcony railing.

"How can it be so beautiful?" I sighed. "The night sky I mean."

"When you talked about your hotel balcony on the phone I really wanted to show you mine." He smiled.

"This is like perfect Romeo and Juliet balcony." I was thinking out loud. I heard him laugh quietly.

"I've never thought about that." He said and we both laughed. It was weird hearing our voices in unison. It felt wonderful but after a moment it scared me. It was like our voices belonged together. I know it sounds weird. I am a total weirdo and it's all his fault. Why do I have to keep convincing everybody including me that I haven't lost my mind because this random guy I met in New York.

"Are you ok?" he asked concerned.

"Um... yeah. Why are you asking?"

"I don't know... Minute ago you were all happy and relaxed and suddenly you're really tense." His perspicacity surprised me. I was usually pretty good in hiding my feeling from other people.

I was going to lie. I even had a perfect lie on my mind. Something about being tired and worried about my injury... But for some reason my lips refused obey my brain.

"I'm freaking out." I heard myself saying. What! Shut up stupid mouth. Now I should explain that to him.

"You are?" he was really calm. This was so unfair.

"Yep." I prayed that he would be satisfied with that short three letter answer but I guess God was not listening right now.

"Why?"

I kept my eyes away from his. I looked everywhere else. His shoes, his hands, the railing and even my own shoes.

"Um... I don't know." I tried, but no.

"Netta, seriously. You're not getting off the hook before you tell me." I could feel his eyes on me. Damn, I was in trouble.

"You know what... It's getting late. Maybe we should continue this conversation tomorrow." Or never I added in my mind. I started to go towards the door.

"Netta." his voice was so firm that it made me stop.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell me." he said and to add credibility he placed himself between the door and me. I felt my heart rate rising. Maybe heart attack could safe me from this. But no heart attack, just shaky hands. And panic attack.

"I-I-I don't want to talk about it." I stuttered. He was not giving up, instead he crossed his arms to his chest. It was like he was ready for a battle. Well if he wanted a battle he was going to get one. I was determined not to tell him anything.

"I'm not going to talk about it." I said with fake firmness. I guess I wasn't really convincing. He had a arrogant smirk on his face. "

Oh no! You are not winning this one." I thought.

"If I don't want to talk about it, you just have to accept it." He took couple steps towards me. Now there was no safety gap (as I call it) between us. He could feel my rapid breath on his skin, the same way I could feel his even and slow on mine.

"I'm not going to let go." He whispered into my ear. This time my eyes refused to obey my brain because they somehow caught his intense stare.

"Please." This time I prayed him. He didn't listen either instead he gently touched my chin. And just then I knew I lost this battle. I didn't have to say anything. He noticed how I reacted to his touch. He smiled at me. Gone was that arrogant smirk. His smile was so gentle and warm. Suddenly I found myself in his arms and I let my forehead rest against his chest.

"I like freaking you out." he whispered and his arms tightened around me.

"You're a horrible person." I sighed and Sidney burst into laughter.

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